Well. I love food. Not in a maniacal way, but if something tastes nice I fully appreciate it. Sometimes, too much.
I was just walking to our next session, after a predominantly processing day, and realised how heavy I feel today. I haven’t overeaten. Eggs and bread with fruit for breakfast, and a creamy mushroom fettuccine for lunch. A little while ago I had an orange. That’s it.
And, I feel heavy.
It’s the carbs. I’m convinced.
At home I have banned pasta. Here, unfortunately, as a vegetarian, I am at the mercy of others 😉. I have had a fair few meals with pasta. They have been nice tasting, but I have felt that my nutritional needs were not fully being met.
Courageously, yesterday, at lunch after another bowl of pasta, I asked what had been planned for dinner for the vegetarians. I was informed that it was a creamy mushroom pasta. I asked if it would be possible to ask the chef to make something vegetable based with protein. Yes.
Dinner was gorgeous. A roasted half capsicum filled with beans and quinoa on a bed of vegetables.
Best. Meal. Ever.
My body started to feel nourished and alive as the food and its nutrients were absorbed.
I went to the chef and thanked him with extreme gratitude.
What did I learn?
I am worth asking for what I need. I am worthy of nutritional foods. I am worthy …
I feel a bit arrogant using that title. Guru Tina reporting for duty … pfft. I can be an imbecile.
It’s been 24 hours since waking yesterday and deciding to take the reins on my own life back. As predicted by several friends, after the excitement of yesterday’s decision, knowing it is right, fear is creeping in.
I am acknowledging it. And, I am releasing it. But, still feeling it.
Not knowing is invigotating as well as terrifying. When I reflect on this year, that I have been calling the worst year of my life, I also realize that it has been one of the best.
I’ve travelled – twice. New Zealand and India, both amazing trips in very different ways. I’ve met some amazing people this year; inspiring, loving, genuine people. I’ve fought for myself, and really seen, for the first time ever, my value and my beauty. I discovered the importance of writing and controlling my own narrative, and not letting systems with faceless people govern my narrative. I started developing a business plan. I was very effective and successful in my roles at school, and in my classroom. I’ve been an exemplary teacher this year. I’ve built my home and my family, now complete. I’ve reconnected on a deep level with friends I adore and with myself.
It has been the year of the Phoenix.
And next year will consolidate this growth, awareness and passion I possess for all of this life. Next year, the warrior will temper her battle instincts to embrace the nurturing aspects of her psyche. Yep. The worst year as well as one of the best.