Healing Truly Is A Process

Well, I’m exhausted lol. Another layer of healing pulled back and processed yesterday.

What I have noticed is that once upon a time, triggers took days, even weeks, for me to process, and during that time, I would slip into depression and sabotage my friendships. I would be immersed in and suffocated by darkness.

Yesterday, during the trigger and processing process, I was a little disoriented when a friend came knocking on the door, but I was functioning and to a high level. In fact, the visit brought the remaining cortisol down. Apart from tired, my self-care and tool kit of strategies took me through the process.

Very often, the triggers are not the cause of the emotional and/or psychological chaos. They just trigger it. I’ve found, that as I’ve added to my tool kit, the triggers no longer disrupt my life or my psyche for long.

I think the greatest tool I use to return myself to balance is what I’ve learned from Mai Mai in our sessions, and from reading Dr John Demartini’s books and applying the ideas.

I no longer have to look for the support in the moment – it is always there in some form – I still acknowledge the step as part of the process though.

The drawbacks are always fairly obvious, and then I focus on the benefits and list them one by one. I also now connect them to my values – how does this incident support my highest values?

Then, after that intense work, I’m just tired and yesterday, I practiced self-care. I apologized for not being able to attend an event I had been looking forward to, and I was honest about why, which whilst embarrassing and shameful (in my eyes at the time) liberated me in the long term.

It is so important that we use our voices and share where we are. Honesty enables trust in relationships and removes guilt.

Ultimately, yesterday was an opportunity for me to walk the talk, and to demonstrate to others how I did this.

Healing is a lifelong process, and that’s okay, because I’ve got this.

Poor George 😝 onwards and upwards

Values, Judgement and Empowerment

Every single one of us has the power to make a difference to other people, thereby changing our world. In every second, we have this power, whether we see it or not.

I try to use this power for good. I don’t always succeed, but more often than not, I think I might.

I’m a little addicted to social media when I have free time. I read a lot of articles and a lot of posts. I love reading the comments. However, sometimes they also challenge me. People can be very aggressive and very unthinking in their responses (yes, I mean unthinking instead of unthoughtful). I try to think carefully before I respond; sometimes I initially misinterpret the intent of a comment. If I responded without thinking, I could cause pain to someone by minimising them. I do not like doing this to other people.

I think we should all be a little more measured in our comments. And, in our thoughts and actions beyond the internet.

Something I have been practising learning since Uluru is my need to bash people with healing strategies. One of my core values is healing and the belief that we all should be striving to be the best we can be by healing what isn’t right within us. As a result, if you tell me something, I’ll go into Miss Fix-It mode and start healing you.

I am learning and trying to remember that sometimes, just sometimes lol, people don’t want a solution or pathway out, they just want to be heard. I am also learning that not everyone wants to be healed or is ready to start the process. I struggle with this too. It works against my values. But, I’m learning.

My values, upon last assessment, encompass healing/empowerment, learning and spirituality, and developing and strengthening my business practice.

By spending more time in the areas of my values, I am finding greater happiness and fulfilment in my life. They have also enabled and empowered me to learn better communication with others because I am more conscious of how my values impact my relationships with others.

We are not all the same. Understanding our differences empowers stronger relationships, fosters inner peace, and enables happiness. Understanding why we respond in certain ways enables us to be better friends and citizens, less judgemental and more open. In turn, this broadens our world and our experiences. Our lives and our selves become richer.

And, this can only be a good thing.

I worked my values out from the link below, using the worksheets that Peter has posted. It is something you might choose to do over the next couple of days.

All of the instructions are there and it is easy to do:

https://www.businessisbliss.com.au/demartini-method

Demartini and Gratitude

I have mentioned the Dimartini method before. It is a method, that when used, brings the body, mind and spirit into balance by dissolving the emotional charge that memories have created.

The main purpose for me in taking this year off from my full time job was to heal my mind, body and spirit after the events of last year. Not just from the investigation, but everything that I have chosen in my life to this point. I wanted to leave 2017 in balance and healthy, emotionally, physically and spiritually. In light of this intention, I pledged to myself that I would answer every call that I received.

I have done that. Even when I haven’t understood why or have been terrified or uncomfortable, I have answered the call.

This has been the best year of my life.

It is the first best year of many, many more best years to come. Every year from now on will become the best year of my life.

Today I answered another call. When Peter Bliss started talking about the Dimartini Method during our mindfulness sessions at Yulara, I felt that it was the missing piece for me in my life journey.

I listened intently to everything that Peter and his beautiful wife, Mai Mai, had to say about this method and how it worked. I started to incorporate the language into my vocabulary – the principles I sort of understood because they weren’t far removed from where my own healing journey and work has lead me thus far this year. Mai Mai possesses a beautiful and still energy that I was drawn to and I resolved to book in for a session when we returned home.

My first session was today.

I went a little nervously, armed with my list of memories of events that still trigger emotions today because of their connection to the past. It is a fairly long list, but not as long as it would have been had I not worked so hard on myself all these years. A big hug started and ended our session; how blessed am I to be in this woman’s energy.

I talked about my post this morning, and how I keep having epiphanies and ah-ha moments. Mai Mai explained how emotions and charges work, and outlined what we are striving for.

Most people do not grow very much and experience the extremes of emotion; imagine a straight line across the page with sharp, jagged lines up and down on both sides of the line, similar to a heart monitor, that shape. The straight line is the person and their lack of growth, and the jagged lines are the emotions, a never ending cycle of ups and downs.

What I am aiming for is a diagonal line from left to right to indicate growth, with soft undulating waves just above and below the line. This is growth with balance, as I understood it.

We started work. The need for control in my life has emerged from a misperception from my childhood that I wasn’t worth very much. One of the key incidents that resulted in my lack of belief in me as an attractive person stemmed from a message I received when I was young. I have written about it here a few times (yep, it needed dissolving).

My sisters and I were standing together whilst mum spoke to a hairdresser friend of hers. The friend commented on how pretty my two blonde sisters were.

Mai Mai asked me who gave me support in this situation. The idea is that when there is a situation where we feel attacked or unseen or unheard (you get the drift), there will also be someone providing balance by giving the opposite action.

Initially, I was struck dumb by the question. I received no support from anyone, that’s why it impacted. Mai Mai kept digging. Then I thought of Aunty Ann who had validated my other-ness my whole life. No, it had to be someone there … processing the memory, reliving it (with my dodgy arse memory), perplexed, then realising, I didn’t feel disconnected from my sisters or my mum. In that moment, I still felt a part of my family, and my mum may even have touched my arm. Ah. There was support as well as derision; my narrative hadn’t empowered me to remember this or focus on it at the time.

Then, Mai Mai asked what the drawback was for me (felt like I was ugly), then what the benefit was (yikes!). Well, she was a bitch. There could be no benefit. Could there?

Yes. There could be a benefit; a whole stream of benefits. As a result of my early awareness that I was ugly, I focused on developing my intelligence, and my compassion and empathy for others. As a result of this, I excelled at school, went to university (hold a Masters degree), have taught successfully for twenty five years, am well regarded, fondly remembered and often told how strong my impact on others is, run a very successful business and am a lifelong learner, as well as fucking attractive (swearing for emphasis of the gains).

Mai Mai then asked me to consider what my life might look like had this incident not occurred. Oh my.

A light bulb sparked for me. I literally felt the negative emotion dissolve away to intense gratitude and love for this woman that I have scorned for decades. I had no words. I had tears rise. I could not believe the gift this woman had given me by ignoring me that day. In part, everything I am in this moment is as a result of this memory, now diffused.

My perception of the incident is now balanced. The charge is gone. And, then the most bizarre physical reaction occurred. In my belly I could feel the cells re-pattern and reorganise themselves, similar to how I feel the BodyTalk sessions; butterflies but not.

In my mind, young ugly Tina (😜) put her hands in prayer and thanked the woman, like we were reliving the moment again with the wisdom now accrued.

And so, thank you woman in the salon, many times, THANK YOU! Your negativity empowered and inspired me to be better and to be rounded. It also ensured my underlying philosophy for teaching, all children will be included and reminded that they are perfect just as they are.

And Tina, thank you for heeding the call. What an incredible journey this life is, and it will only get better as you continue to grow and dissolve charges.

And, Peter, thank you for the retreat that lead me here, for your wisdom and love.

Mai Mai – thank YOU for being you and for embracing me in all my imperfection and perfection. I am so excited to share this part of my journey with you.

Blessed. Grateful. Empowered.

🙏🏻🦋

Uluru

I have no idea where to start with this. You know when you have an experience and you feel that you and your life will never be the same again, but you can’t articulate how.

That’s where I am.

I left Uluru and our wellness team over a week ago. I have been waiting for the words to come. They are there, but haven’t come through properly yet.

Our last morning together was powerful. Quidong in the gorge at Uluru followed by our last breakfast together. That feeling when you don’t want to leave … the place or the people.

Ken rose to express some final words of gratitude. By the end of it I don’t think there was a dry eye around the table; mine were definitely wet, as were my cheeks, my neck and my t-shirt lol.

Uluru is a sacred place. Her energy is palpable, and she is unexpected. Photographs do not show you all of the grooves, holes, caves, gorges, quiet places. In fact, photographs delude you into thinking the rock was just placed there. And her changing colors – only presence and your own eyes do this justice. Such a magick there, a healing and stilling magick.

And we were so blessed to spend so much time there, bathing in the majesty of something truly otherworldly, with people impacted as much as I was.

What a charmed life I lead. And how blessed am I that last year was so yuck I needed to take a year to rediscover who I was and explore our world. I’ve been to some incredible places, and I’ve met some beautifully incredible people, and caught up with amazing friends.

Peace. Blessings. Gratitude.

Dissolving Charges

I am in the process of learning a new method (for me) for balancing emotions, and empowering the mind, body and spirit to return to balance. Interestingly, ironically, or whatever it is, I was practising the method with Margo (frustratingly for her I’m sure) in the car before we met Harry.

Interestingly etc, because I then applied the method, as I currently understand it, to Harry’s death and the grief I felt. I’m going to try to explain it here. It’s a valuable one if you are over the drama of life and just want peace. It’s a method devised by John DeMartini from years of study and research. I have gained this basic, yet very powerful, understanding from Peter Bliss and Mai Mai Lin. I will be doing more work in this area.

The basic premise is that we are human. We will feel intense emotions. That’s okay. However, so many of us hold onto those emotions so tightly that we move away from homeostasis (balance). Those emotions, and our refusal or inability to dissolve the charge (neutralize them), creates unnecessary drama and unhelpful patterns in our lives.

I’m going to use Harry as a basic example. Anyone who knows me, pretty much knows that I have a very idealistic view of animals; it is irrational in this scientific and logical world, but it is who I choose to be with no desire to change it. As a result, holding Harry (naming a wild thing only proves my initial point lol – remember, Holly Golightly refused to name Cat because of the inevitable attachment that would form) inspired a deep soul connection for me.

Upon receiving the news that he was not going to make it (euphemism after euphemism here – the power of language), I felt grief struck. I cried and carried it with me for a couple of hours whilst my brain processed the events. Then, I tried to dissolve the grief.

I focused on the gratitude for the experience and what I had learned. When people or creatures die, we idealize them a little, focusing on the good and ignoring their very real flaws. I did the same with Harry; he was a wild creature we were going to save.

But, Harry was also a silly hawk. Harry flew near a 4WD on a major highway when he had miles and miles of other land to fly in. Harry also died a humane and dignified death, receiving reiki for his pain and not being pecked at by crows on the side of the road (like too many others). I learned from my connection to this wild thing and I humbly received the message from the universe that his entry into my life signified.

As a result, I have let Harry go in love. I have dissolved the charge of the grief, neutralized it. It does not lessen the impact of his life nor does it mean I didn’t care. Simply put, I don’t feel guilt or loss, I feel calm and balanced. The grief is not internalized, but neutralised.

It is very empowering.

Like I said, this is a simple example of my understanding of the method. And, I can’t wait to learn more.