Eagle Soaring

There are three bald eagles living here. They live in a variety of birch trees throughout the woods surrounding the lake. Every morning one sits in a tree just down from us and scrutinises the lake. 

I was sitting on the dock this morning watching it. Suzanne and Lynn were with me. We were talking about other worlds. 

I am feeling very zen. I have for a few months now. Occasionally I have anxiety over money but I acknowledge it and turn my energy towards manifesting it. There are more clients than I can handle on my own. I might expand sooner rather than later. 

We went walking through the adjoining woods towards the eagle’s tree. Peace. Quiet. Life. 

There is a strong wind today. Rain had been forecast. Apart from Friday night there has been no sign. Perfect days following perfect nights.

Yesterday was about healing. All of us here are healers in some form. Nine witches; ten when next door’s Lyn pops in. We each sat in the centre of the larger group. I was so reluctant to receive; this is the thing I am currently working on. 

I had two therapeutic massages during the week. They were incredible experiences; healing that filled and realigned my chakras. My solar plexus chakra was larger than it should be, forcing my heart chakra to decrease in size. Whilst it was in perfect function, it couldn’t expand. I feel that that has been corrected. 

Coming to the cabin was exactly what was required. Silence and stillness to restore my equilibrium. 

And so we went to the woods. I am sure that the faerie folk spoke to me. Cheeky smiles and winks beckoning me forward. 

When I came back and sat on the dock, the eagle was soaring. The tide is higher and so I stood. A long car trip in a wet dress – too zen for me 😉. I am sure that the eagle spoke to me. Yes, this trip, an innocent catch up with friends and a wedding, is turning out to be a turning point. 

A massive shift is occurring for me. If I remain open, life will continue to transform. I am continually reminded that each of our lives is filled with great potential, if we allow it. I am reminded that the difference between happiness and sadness, and any other binary opposition, is a single choice. We are all powerful beyond measure and exist as part of a much larger system. 

We are so blessed to live at a time of huge transition for our world, as we know it. We, together, can create the next one. 

Beauty. 

Disappearing

It’s been a significant week for me. A lot of emotional and psychological processing about a lot of things; some important, some not. 

One of the first students I ever taught is the Principal of a primary school in a very socio-economically disadvantaged area, an area that we both grew up in. But the disadvantage almost stops the second that you walk through the doors of her school. 

And I had that privilege on Monday. 

No school is perfect, I know that. But some schools function differently to others and the atmosphere very much reflects the leadership. I have never before walked into a school that felt so liberated and so open. The people I encountered all seemed to genuinely and unreservedly be happy to be at work. They seemed to be enjoying working together; no games and no undertones of treachery or malice. 

I left in the afternoon questioning whether it was time to retrain, become a primary school teacher and work there. It is a beautiful thing to see others following their calling and making a huge difference in the lives of others. A truly beautiful thing. I became inspired to teach again. Thank you, Tammy. 

This week too, my clientele has grown substantially. I am servicing more children. And I love it. I feel that passion I once felt for teaching returning. I am enjoying the diversity of client and love going to work. 

This has created small psychological hurdles, which I am navigating. Over time, unbeknownst to me, I have allowed myself to become impacted by the negativity of others, to the extent that whilst I say I am amazing, and often believe it, when someone else tells me or I achieve success, I question my worthiness. This week I have been questioning when I will be found out and my success will come crashing down. 

I think we all see ourselves as fraudulent some times. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I am an exceptional teacher, and that I possess a way of working with kids that empowers them to see, and to trust, their own value/brilliance/ability etc – I own that. I guess I have pigeon holed myself in a role and never envisaged my own potential or the potential for my life. I was always going to be a teacher because I had always wanted to be a teacher. And now that my life is opening up, I’m seeing a world that is different to what I’ve always known as mine. 

I am a small business owner. I am a teacher. And, I am so much more than all of these labels. Labels provide safety but they also restrict growth. My teacher label provided job and financial stability, but the same label has also hindered me fulfilling all of my own and my life’s potential. Until now. 

Yes, the investigation I was under last year resulted in burn out, but what a wonderful gift it provided me to force transformation and growth. And how blessed do I feel in my freedom. I set my own hours and I can work when I choose to. 

This week I have started feeling calmer. I have stopped watching every penny that has left my purse, bathed in financial anxiety. I have started to embrace my alternative working life, a flipped employment. I have taken control of my business recording and I am enjoying getting up every day. I feel happy, content, focused and driven. 

And my blood pressure is almost normal (140 over 85 – amen). 

It hasn’t been easy emotionally, and I dare say I will still struggle at times, but I feel the new dawn rising above the horizon, and the darkness is ending. 

And what better way to mark this than with a tattoo. Tonight, this part of my life narrative will be etched into my skin; this part of my journey memorialised. 

#livingacharmedlife #blessed #withbravewingssheflies #tattoogirl

The Positive in Crisis 

We all (I’m sure it is all) have times when one thing after another doesn’t go as expected. Generally, I am a firm believer that like bushfires, these times serve to regenerate our lives, our passions, our directions. 

I also know that it is always easier to remember and believe this as you are coming out of the crisis or after the crisis, rather than when you are immersed in the crisis. Hallelujah though, for that moment when you do start to move forward again, scraping off the mud you are layered in, remembering that now is a time of fertility. An opportunity to recreate your life. 

I am grateful for that tiny seed today. But after three weeks, how did I get here. 

I don’t know. Maybe …

Yoga.

Four days of Easter. 

Success in my classroom. 

A clean desk.

A great meeting yesterday. 

A massage after work. 

Expressing my feelings, albeit in my blog. 

People reaching out. 

A lazy day. 

Time with Max and Molly. 

The death of Tashi and of a friend’s friend. Reminders that life is short and regardless of what happens with my current crisis, I do have control in my life. 

An email about upcoming Alana Fairchild and Lucy Cavendish workshops in Berry. 

A reminder that I’m going to India.

Time out and by myself. Not having to be anything for anyone else. 

Who knows. 

But it’s happening. And that’s all that matters. 

The Day Awaits

I love this time of the day. When you wake up and there is promise lying ahead of you. I feel it more keenly on weekends when my body wakes naturally and there is no compulsion, beyond going to the loo, to immediately get up. Max and Molly, my fur kids, love it too. Snuggles is how Saturday’s and Sunday’s start. 

Peace. Tranquility. Soul time. 

And that feeling of promise. Hope. Inspiration. 

I am the composer for this day. It will be whatever I choose for it to be. The master of my own world. And destiny. 

If only for today. 

There are still things that should be done but they don’t always win out. There are things that could be done, and this is where the magic lies. A state of friction between should and could

Sometimes should wins. Sometimes could does. Often, though, nothing does. 

And I am okay with that. 

It is my day, my gift, my blank piece of paper. 

I will write on it as I see fit. 

The Importance of Faith

Yesterday, after the kids’ performance, the audience was invited to ask questions or make comments. The questions were dense and used sophisticated language – we really are very ignorant – but one raised a pertinent point for me about survival. 

An audience member respectfully asked about the place of religion/faith in the journeys of the refugees. The kids predominantly fled from Iraq and Syria, the world’s hotspots, through secondary places like Jordan. The kids identify predominantly as either Muslim or Christian. 

They responded that their faith is irrelevant in the friendships that they have built together, and has been instrumental to their survival. 

Their faith enabled hope to flame in very hope-less situations. That hope enabled them to keep moving forward and to keep fighting for freedom. 

Often in the mainstream media, refugees are depicted as manipulative and cunning tricksters who know how wonderful Australia is, and plot to come here because they don’t want to be in their place of birth; they want to pillage what we have. Achmed (not sure about spelling), an outgoing 19 year old, here for less than a year, fled Syria with his family and said, along the lines of, he is grateful to be in Australia, to be safe and to be free, but if his village hadn’t been razed he would love to still be in Syria. And I get this. 

No one wants to leave their homeland behind when all is safe, never to return, never to see it again. Even when I travel, my home is Australia, as much as I feel at home in many other countries. If I was in a situation where I had to flee my homeland to stay alive, never to return and never to see the many people I love, I would be devastated. When this departure is a choice, the impact is different. 

Further to that, and back to the point I started making (obviously still processing – significant too that we saw it on the day that Paris was attacked), I often in recent times have suggested that our youth are not resilient. They suffer in their lives, and become drowned and suffocated by their suffering. They don’t know how to move forward, how to survive. 

I wonder if that is due to a lack of faith … in anything. 

I am not a Christian, and have never been. I am religious though. I only found a name for my religion in my early twenties but I had been practicing my entire life. One of my earliest memories is sitting on the back verandah of the flat my parents lived in on Petersham Road in Marrickville, talking to the moon. I’m sure my memory is idealised; I was only three, and the flat and world seemed so big around me, yet the moon was so close. As my childhood progressed I would often talk to the higher beings, and these conversations, as well as the faith that there was more, sustained me. 

I survived. 

Similarly, these refugees have survived. 

Is our society disconnecting at the most basic level because many individuals have no faith? 

I do believe that this disconnection creates the opportunity for extremists to recruit. After all, we all want to belong somewhere and to something. I’m not saying that dogmatic, often hypocritical, organized forms of religion are the way to go. I’m suggesting that maybe faith permits us a path to follow or a hand to hold in bad times; an awareness of something greater or bigger than ourselves. 

And maybe, just maybe, that’s where we have collectively let our kids down. Decadence and capitalism do not offer that hope. 

Spring

The weather has been feral. Just sayin’. And lots of change in the air. All positive thus far. 

Huge congratulations to my sisters from other misters in securing new employment and job security. I love you both. 

And just saying, I had an impromptu and quick catch up with another sister in the supermarket and it was the highlight of my day. I miss her. 

So, spring. Growth. Hope. Possibility. 

My orange tree followed by some other new growth. 

   
    
   

If I could give you anything … 

Some munchkins I adore are going through some incredibly challenging times at the moment. 

Lots of people are. 

One of the most invigorating aspects of ageing though, is knowing that hardship is temporary. Really knowing it. Because you’ve lived through it many many times, and are still standing, and standing happily. Happier and more fulfilled than you ever dreamed you would be able to. 

Life isn’t fair. Some people do enjoy a blessed ride. Some of us don’t appear to enjoy that same sort of ride. And that is okay. 

Because in the long run, I think hardship, suffering and pain, and doing the work to keep moving forward and not giving up, yield beautiful lives. And deep wisdom. And a deeper capacity for love, and enjoying the beauty that is in every second. Something that I wouldn’t know for sure without the dark times that I have lived through. 

And, so … 

If I could give you anything, it would be this hope and wisdom that has evolved from my experience. 

Everything is temporary. 

You will smile again. 

You will laugh again, 

You will love again. 

And, you will hurt again. 

But what blossoms in you and in your life will one day make you see that it was all worth it. The fight is worth it. Doing the work is worth it. It all has a place in your existence, a necessary one, to make you whole. 

Do not give up. 

There are enough funerals for people to attend already. Your’s shouldn’t be one of them. 

There is beauty on the other side of this for you. 

If you close your eyes and tilt your face to the sun on a warm day you can feel it. If you stand in the cold and embrace your freezing cheeks, you can feel it. If you hear the sound of real laughter, you can feel it. 

There is beauty on the other side of this for you. 

There are things you haven’t done, places you haven’t seen, people you haven’t met, dreams you haven’t fulfilled … Give yourself these. You are enough, and you deserve it. 

Trust me. 

❤️