Insight

Yesterday, after yoga and then coming home, mowing the lawn and potting some seedlings, I walked around my house, closing blinds, and talking to my pets, dutifully following me.

They were listening intently, heads turning from side to side, eyes consciously concentrating, as I repeated, We are so blessed to live this wonderful life. I am so grateful for everything we have and everything we do. How lucky are we that on such a beautiful day we could spend it outside doing things we love.

Repeatedly. My heart sings more consistently now than it ever has.

I trust the flow of life. I take opportunities. I trust the signs. I am always moving forward.

I love it.

I ended up with a migraine lol, but I’m putting that down to a solar storm that I read about on Facebook 😉🙏🏻

It all comes down to a little courage, a little trust and a choice. When we are living consciously and doing the work that fills our soul, we become healthy and happy. Try it 😜

What Happens When We Let Go

I left teaching seven weeks ago. I haven’t looked back. I was past my ‘best before’ date and I knew it. I still have a hundred percent in the classroom, but I wasn’t as motivated outside of it. Probably because I was running a business outside of school hours and all day Saturday; there was no time.

I am now working seven days a week. I’m knackered lol. I’m blissfully happy too. I’m growing my business and creating new pathways for myself; I am living my dream. Did I mention, I’m exhausted. Lol.

The last couple of weeks has been bizarre.

I was first contacted by an ex-colleague who has offered me the opportunity to run a stress relief, mindfulness and meditation session for Year 7 students at her school. Yes, please, thank you. Humbled and initially terrified, I accepted. Of course I can do this 😳.

After saying YES, the universe realised I was willing to accept opportunities and was serious about not going back to teaching in a school.

I was then contacted by an ex-student from another lifetime altogether and asked if I was interested in running meditation/healing in his centre.

Yes, please.

From that meeting, a whole other new opportunity emerged to work with the Department of Housing, developing and implementing programs to support the empowerment of women. Oh my. It’s still sinking in. That was the end goal of my business; it’s come ten years early.

Yes, please.

And, then, realising that what they want is just who I am. No bells or whistles, just what I do every day being me.

What a gift. I am beyond grateful. It is amazing what transpires and manifests when you just let go …

Let go of everything that no longer serves you, of everything that does not bring you happiness and joy, of everything that no longer fits … and you create openings and space for everything that you do want, to come in.

It’s a process, but man, such a worthwhile one.

The Universe Does Conspire 🙏🏻

Beautiful moments. I left teaching with a little bit of a plan. I wanted to grow my businesses so that I could live comfortably and easily and happily without my teaching income. I wanted to thrive, but I needed to take my foot off the bridge.

Doing that, jumping from everything you know into a world you don’t know, is terrifying. But, when you really think about it, you can always return to something you do know. I am so happy I found the courage to jump, to try a new path.

Six weeks on, I don’t miss school teaching. I miss some of the staff and I miss the kids, but I don’t miss the internal politics of institutions, the games, the small mindedness, and the competition.

For me, I realise how much I allowed the institution to keep me small. It’s interesting that as my sense of self-worth improved, my ability to fit the institution’s model diminished. This is for me; I am not applying that epiphany to anyone else’s journey.

My businesses are growing. My tutoring business is at capacity – stretched beyond really – and the healing business is morphing slowly. I’m okay with that.

More importantly, I love waking up every day, excited for what the day might bring. I love working again, and I never feel a sense of dread. I am still surrounded by love and am still developing deep rapport with people I meet. And, I’m beginning to be able to celebrate who I am as a person.

I’m fierce. So capable. And, just so very blessed to be living and creating this life.

I put to the universe that I was ready to fulfil my mission here, and slowly I’m receiving opportunities to run healing/meditation groups and sessions for kids. I always think to myself initially that I’m not good enough and then I shake that off, and say, Yes, I can and I am more than good enough.

My warrior spirit kicks in and I acknowledge the residual pangs of self-doubt and then I jump in. It’s becoming easier to say yes and it’s becoming easier to stand in my truth all of the time. There are no games here. No politics. No staying small.

Jumping ship, starting something new, breathing deeply and living in the present moment, is an amazing journey. I’m so grateful for absolutely everything in my life to this point, for without all of it, I wouldn’t be standing here.

Trusting the Flow

I’ve attended every yoga class this term. That’s a minor miracle for me. Usually, by now, I would have become sick.

Not this term.

I’ve meditated almost every night. As a result, my deep sleep percentage is rising. I also have more energy every day.

This week, after Sunday’s minor implosion with massive purging, my perspectives have shifted. It’s like I shook off everything that has been holding me back. Sunday was hard, but needed to happen.

I woke on Monday, liberated. An easiness in my steps with a singing heart. I’ve had an amazing week.

I’ve stopped worrying about money. I have minimal stress. I feel fantastic. And the energies are flowing. I’ve loved working and feel so blessed to be creating the life I want to be living.

My business is thriving; my waiting list is surging. My intuition is at full strength and I’m trusting the signs. Ooh, and embracing opportunities.

Because I removed my self-imposed shackles, I am embracing and loving life. I no longer want to be small. I’m ready to shine. I am shining.

I am not controlled by my past or by distorted self- perception. My writing is flowing and my book is writing itself as a result. I’m learning, growing, becoming wholly me in every instant.

I’m not looking back. Eyes are pointing forward whilst my soul is very much present in the moment.

Gratitude.

A Crisis In Identity

Who am I? It was destined to happen. You leave a job you have been doing for over twenty five years; a job where you encounter so many people that it obviously becomes a major stakeholder in your identity, that when you leave it, the question needs to be asked. Who am I? I’m not sure. I’m in transition. Well, I do know what makes me happy, I know what my values are, I know who my family and extended family is, I just don’t know what I will end up doing. So, I do know who I am. I just don’t know where I am going. My life is open. I am a small business owner. I am a healer, holding space and empowering others. I am a mentor. I am a private tutor. I am a witch. I am an alien. I am a soul who has incarnated many, many times. I am left wing, mostly. I am an animal lover. I am a hard worker, not necessarily smart worker. I am compassionate, empathetic, happy, satisfied, loyal. I am many things. But, I don’t know what else I will be. I’ve talked sense to myself now. I’m trusting this process of transition. I know I want to make a huge difference in this world. I know that I need to be cognisant of the signs as they come. I know I will be fine. My identity is not what I do; it is who I am in what I do and outside what I do. I stand firm. I know who I am.

A Crisis In Identity

Who am I? It was destined to happen. You leave a job you have been doing for over twenty five years; a job where you encounter so many people that it obviously becomes a major stakeholder in your identity, that when you leave it, the question needs to be asked. Who am I? I’m not sure. I’m in transition. Well, I do know what makes me happy, I know what my values are, I know who my family and extended family is, I just don’t know what I will end up doing. So, I do know who I am. I just don’t know where I am going. My life is open. I am a small business owner. I am a healer, holding space and empowering others. I am a mentor. I am a private tutor. I am a witch. I am an alien. I am a soul who has incarnated many, many times. I am left wing, mostly. I am an animal lover. I am a hard worker, not necessarily smart worker. I am compassionate, empathetic, happy, satisfied, loyal. I am many things. But, I don’t know what else I will be. I’ve talked sense to myself now. I’m trusting this process of transition. I know I want to make a huge difference in this world. I know that I need to be cognisant of the signs as they come. I know I will be fine. My identity is not what I do; it is who I am in what I do and outside what I do. I stand firm. I know who I am.

Seven Weeks. Fourteen Days.

I am grateful that my windscreen was smashed. We have not found out who was responsible for it. But, I feel no anger, just gratitude. I hope that the child responsible finds the support they need to be able to fill the hole within them that lead them to the point where they believed their actions were appropriate and necessary.

Regardless, I am grateful.

Education no longer serves my highest self. This is no judgement on or against anyone else; these are just my thoughts and my perceptions. If you are a happy teacher, power to you. I no longer am.

I love children. I love working with them to empower them to fulfil their dreams. I love those light bulb moments when they get it. I love the jokes, the loving teasing, the rapport that is built through symbiotic trust. I love inspiring them to see the world and their place in it, in new ways. I am still a passionate and idealistic teacher. I always will be.

However, I do not respect or like the machine that education has become. I do not like the lack of humanity embodied in the broader leadership, and I cannot fathom or respect machinations that regard teachers and students as robots and tick a boxes.

I do not have the passion to fight it. There are too many who just follow it. My type of teacher is in the vast minority. I don’t see enough commitment to want to change; people don’t stand up and fight for anything anymore.

I will stand up and fight for me by being true to me, and putting me first. After all, no one else will. It is not anyone else’s responsibility; it is mine, and mine alone.

So, I have fourteen working days left until I hand in my keys. Keys that I will have held for very close to twenty years.

I have no intention of ever going back. I thought, when this time came, I would feel more heartbroken. Maybe the grief will come; maybe it won’t. At the moment, I feel like I’m finally answering a call to let go of fear and to start living. I feel liberated.

I have been sick this week, my body has been purging stress toxins, I’m sure. I have not been at school since the incident. I feel liberated. In the past, when I’ve been sick and had to take a couple of days, I’ve felt sooooo guilty that I was letting other people down. This time, I was able to prioritise my health and acknowledge my own worth. Illness requires rest. No one is let down; it just is what it is.

I feel happy. I have felt exhausted this week, every afternoon, as I’ve headed out to work with my clients. But my energy thrived as I arrived to the first door step each day and sustained itself until I arrived home. I feel very present when I work with my kids. I feel a happy heart and fulfilled soul; feelings, that in teaching, have been eclipsed by ever increasing administration demands and the systemic disregard for the welfare of teachers.

I know I’m a teacher. I always will be. But, at the end of the day, I am worth more and am more valuable than the system/broken machine of education decrees, and so, like all abusive relationships, I will move away from it so that my soul can thrive. I will not allow myself to be made small again in my life. This lesson is learned ( fingers crossed lol).

This time, I am breaking the abuse cycle that has ruled my life. This time, I empower me. This time, I am truly free.

Gender Fluidity and Authenticity

I have heard the term gender fluidity. A few years ago, I had a close friend who was ‘gender fluid’. I thought it meant you were bisexual. In my defence, I am almost forty seven years old.

Today, I had an intriguing and illuminating conversation with someone who was trying to explain what the term means, to me.

This is my disclaimer: I do not mean to cause offence to anyone. I am trying to understand it, and I am blogging about it to help others understand it to minimise ignorance.

Through my discussion earlier today, I have come to understand it more by what it isn’t. My understanding is that it is the eradication of labels of any sort, especially as those labels pertain to gender and issues around gender.

What this means, is that ascribing the terms/labels of boy or girl, brings with it a preconceived bucket of expectations and standards that restrict the freedom of the labelled. To be gender fluid, means to free yourself and your life’s choices from preconceived expectations prescribed by gender.

If we remove the gender expectations, we free the individual to be whatever they choose to be. We empower them to fulfil their true, authentic potential, unrestricted and uninhibited.

This extends to sexuality, I think, by way of enabling one person to love another person irrespective of socially defined and culturally biased mores.

It struck me, as I was in discussion, that this idea is not from the Third Dimension. Here, in the Third Dimension, labels and expectations and boxes creates an ordered society for us. However, it also restricts the potentiality of individuals and our society/planet.

This notion of gender fluidity, as I understand it, is elevated and must be from beyond the Third Dimension. In its ideal form, it moves us to a broader definition of our potential, and of the ideals of love, tolerance and acceptance. In a sense, I think it will move us into a higher energy vibration, alleviating the use for labels.

I can feel my Third Dimension form resisting understanding the potential of this, but my higher self sits quietly, in a state of knowing and acceptance.

I think the Crystal Children are paving the path for the oneness that the Rainbow Children bring with them; they are continuing the Indigo Children’s work of breaking down paradigms and rigid structures.

Throughout the entire discussion, my energy body was very active. Energy courses through my entire body, each cell alive and firing. Our joined energies sat in harmony and for a moment, we were almost one consciousness.

Amazing experience.

Authenticity of the soul and being who we wholly are is how I interpreted it from my life experience. Dreads are organic for and to me. My tattoos are my voice. I am who I am.

For ten or so years, I tried to fit into the boxes, I tried to be normal. As a result, I was not happy and not free. Now, moving away from systems that do not inspire, enable or empower the authentic individual, I am finding the connection to all is returning.

I am freeing me.

Grounding

I woke up this morning with the stirrings of illness. My usual MO: sore throat, running nose, lethargy. I know what’s caused it. Doctors might say I’ve caught a bug. Probably correct.

But, the reason I caught the bug is being run down, burning the candle, you get the drift.

Last year, it took me a while to get used to the lack of routine. For probably the first time in my life, my life was unstructured. This year, well, it’s taking me time to get used to the routine lol.

Transition is always difficult in different ways at different times.

Self-care is vital in a smooth transition. So often we make excuses or feel guilty about putting our own needs first. Most of the people I know put everyone else before themselves. I have spent most of my life putting the needs of others first, often missing out on positive things that bring me happiness, along the way.

This afternoon I had the pleasure of offering some healing with the forks to a friend.

We both benefited from this.

We went to Macarthur Park in Camden; I felt a calling for us to be in natural surrounds and up high. We sat in the gazebo, looking out over the park and the church group congregating, and I used the forks on my friend.

Afterwards, as we walked back to our cars, we took our shoes off to walk in the grass. Grounding our souls in to the earth’s life force. I hugged an old tree, and as I rested my cheek alongside its girth, I heard it’s hum.

It’s an amazing feeling, synergising your energy with the energy of another sentient being. Barefoot, connecting to source, slowing down our fast pace, deliberately and consciously breathing.

Perfection within imperfection.

My priority this week, is me.

I will not get sick. I’m listening to, and hearing, the warning symptoms. I have learned. I am worth putting my needs first.

Saying Yes – Listening to the Universe

And, they did. I found this in my Facebook News Feed at the end of 2016. It popped up in my Memories yesterday. If it resonated in 2016, it reverberated throughout my entire soul yesterday.

Today is the last day of the year that has transformed my life and brought me back to me. It came after many years of pain. Recovering from sexual and physical abuse, miscarriage and failed IVF cycles, issues at work culminating in The Investigation, and massive work bringing myself back to my path to learn the lessons I came here to learn.

When I reflect on the year I have had, it wouldn’t have become possible without one word.

Yes.

Come to India? Yes.

Embrace India? Yes.

Meet new people? Yes.

Cruise to Tassie? Yes.

Roll down a hill. Yes.

Travel to see the people you met in india? Yes.

Snorkelling? Yes.

Stay with my family? Yes.

Accept this healing massage? Yes.

Come to the cabin with witches? Yes.

Look for UFOs? Yes.

Come to my wedding in Las Vegas? Yes.

See the Grand Canyon? Yes.

Sound Healing in Katoomba? Yes.

Past Life Regression? Yes.

Soul Tribe expansion? Yes.

Hay House Writers Workshop? Yes.

Uluru? Yes.

Road Trip? Yes.

Cambodia? Yes.

Room with me? Yes.

Vietnam? Yes.

Book Proposal? Yes.

Start a business? Yes.

Tutor my child? Yes.

Expand your heart? Yes.

Be insanely happy? Yes.

Forge a new path forwards? Yes.

Set new goals and intentions? Yes.

Continue your own healing? Yes.

Demartini session? Yes.

Red Tent group? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I listened, really listened, and made the choice to say yes to opportunity this year. Saying yes has made the difference.

Was I scared? Fuck, yes, I was scared. But, man, that fear, acknowledging it, doing it all anyway, has changed my life. I’m living with passion again. The passion I once possessed for teaching has grown into a passion for living.

My desire to give has returned. I have developed appropriate boundaries by saying YES to putting my needs first. I no longer give from a position of lack.

I have new goals. Vietnam in 2018. Machu Picchu in 2018. Sound Healing practitioner in 2018. Finish and publish my book in 2018.

Longer term: become a multimillionaire so that I can provide my healing services to women who are disconnected, surviving domestic violence, for free. I want to empower people to live their own best life, whatever that might look like, and I want to be able to do that without worrying about paying my bills. I also want to move to the ocean on acreage and live with my people close by. And, I want chickens. And probably more dogs or cats or cows or horses. I want an ark. Tina’s Ark.

I intend continuing to say yes to what feels right, and no to what doesn’t fit my values system. That has worked to this point.

Thank you to the word YES. Thank you to bravery. Thank you to everything and everyone that has brought me to this point.

Massive changes for me in my perception of what is possible.