Emotional Congestion

I am waking up every morning with either a head cold starting or a headache. I am Demartini-ing everything that comes up lol. My body is manifesting symptoms to keep me from sliding. I become conscious and I nurture myself.

Whilst away in Manly for thirty six hours, I finished (almost perfect) Chapter One of my book. It is about the context that lead to this healing year. There were potential emotional charges throughout it: physically damaging childhood, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, IVF, last year’s investigation.

As I wrote, I found that I was using the Demartini method as I went to dissolve the charges. It became a reflex. I shared this with Renee; I was so surprised and so happy that it was happening.

Changing the narrative is empowering and makes it so much easier to write.

At one point, on the way back to the unit, Renee (unintentionally) made a comment along the lines of all women fulfilling purpose by bearing children. Six months, even a month ago, this would have caused a twinge of emotion (failure/regret/loss) within me. Yesterday, it just elicited a facetious response, but more significantly, there was no emotional charge for me. I had to assure Renee I was fine, and I truly was.

Every step, every event, every single thing in my life has brought me to where I am right now, and right now, my life is charmed.

I am not wealthy, but I have enough, most of the time. I am healing and I am happy. I am surrounded and immersed in love always, my own and the love of others. I look after myself and I am very kind to myself. I am kind to others. I feel light. I feel fulfilled. I am creating my ideal life. I am blessed. I am grateful for all that has lead me here.

A human cannot ask for more.

Waking Up: More IVF Resolution

It’s 7:30am. I’ve been awake for two hours.

I meditate every night before I go to sleep. And, what I mean by that, is that I am asleep within minutes of putting the meditation on; I usually don’t get beyond the first few breaths and comfortable position lol. So, I also meditate when I wake. This morning I didn’t because I was lathered in kisses from an excited puppy before my eyes were even open. However, I still practiced gratitude and set my intentions for today.

It’s a glorious way to start the day: in calm and at peace, lavished by love.

I have set today’s work, put the washing on, stripped the bed, organised my healing work, done the dishes, watered the plants, and dissolved the emotional charges on my failed IVF procedures (started yesterday).

The benefits of doing IVF:

~ I was enabled to support others in their journey

~ I have no regrets about not trying

~ I felt the excitement of selecting donors, loved the many needles, loved the routine, loved the process, loved learning, loved the promise

~ greater empathy for the struggles of pregnancy and miscarriage

~ I experienced another version of myself

The drawbacks of doing IVF:

~ I didn’t give birth

~ I miscarried

~ I was a different person for a few years

~ I struggled in alone-ness

The benefits of not holding the pregnancy and giving birth:

~ I just worry about me and my fur kids

~ I travel

~ I complete learning courses

~ I meet new and incredible people all of the time

~ I am free

~ I am soul happy and fulfilled

~ I started my businesses

~ I reignited my passion for teaching through tutoring

~ I still impact a whole heap of people’s lives positively

~ I am healing all of my baggage and have the time to do it

~ I can be selfish

The drawbacks of not holding the pregnancy and giving birth:

~ I have not been a birth mum this incarnation; however, I am a mother (albeit a bad one a lot of the time) to Amanda and a mother spirit to countless others

I am grateful for the experience, and I am equally grateful I didn’t become a birth mother.

I am feeling a deep sense of blessing, love and gratitude again. This is such a powerful method for bringing balance.

I need to dissolve the charge on the miscarriage. That will be my next venture. Some of it will be similar, but I need to look at the balance of support in that one too. The universe always provides.

Now, I’ve blogged too, and it’s only 7:52am.

Winning.

Have a great day!

🙏🏻🦋

Demartini and Gratitude

I have mentioned the Dimartini method before. It is a method, that when used, brings the body, mind and spirit into balance by dissolving the emotional charge that memories have created.

The main purpose for me in taking this year off from my full time job was to heal my mind, body and spirit after the events of last year. Not just from the investigation, but everything that I have chosen in my life to this point. I wanted to leave 2017 in balance and healthy, emotionally, physically and spiritually. In light of this intention, I pledged to myself that I would answer every call that I received.

I have done that. Even when I haven’t understood why or have been terrified or uncomfortable, I have answered the call.

This has been the best year of my life.

It is the first best year of many, many more best years to come. Every year from now on will become the best year of my life.

Today I answered another call. When Peter Bliss started talking about the Dimartini Method during our mindfulness sessions at Yulara, I felt that it was the missing piece for me in my life journey.

I listened intently to everything that Peter and his beautiful wife, Mai Mai, had to say about this method and how it worked. I started to incorporate the language into my vocabulary – the principles I sort of understood because they weren’t far removed from where my own healing journey and work has lead me thus far this year. Mai Mai possesses a beautiful and still energy that I was drawn to and I resolved to book in for a session when we returned home.

My first session was today.

I went a little nervously, armed with my list of memories of events that still trigger emotions today because of their connection to the past. It is a fairly long list, but not as long as it would have been had I not worked so hard on myself all these years. A big hug started and ended our session; how blessed am I to be in this woman’s energy.

I talked about my post this morning, and how I keep having epiphanies and ah-ha moments. Mai Mai explained how emotions and charges work, and outlined what we are striving for.

Most people do not grow very much and experience the extremes of emotion; imagine a straight line across the page with sharp, jagged lines up and down on both sides of the line, similar to a heart monitor, that shape. The straight line is the person and their lack of growth, and the jagged lines are the emotions, a never ending cycle of ups and downs.

What I am aiming for is a diagonal line from left to right to indicate growth, with soft undulating waves just above and below the line. This is growth with balance, as I understood it.

We started work. The need for control in my life has emerged from a misperception from my childhood that I wasn’t worth very much. One of the key incidents that resulted in my lack of belief in me as an attractive person stemmed from a message I received when I was young. I have written about it here a few times (yep, it needed dissolving).

My sisters and I were standing together whilst mum spoke to a hairdresser friend of hers. The friend commented on how pretty my two blonde sisters were.

Mai Mai asked me who gave me support in this situation. The idea is that when there is a situation where we feel attacked or unseen or unheard (you get the drift), there will also be someone providing balance by giving the opposite action.

Initially, I was struck dumb by the question. I received no support from anyone, that’s why it impacted. Mai Mai kept digging. Then I thought of Aunty Ann who had validated my other-ness my whole life. No, it had to be someone there … processing the memory, reliving it (with my dodgy arse memory), perplexed, then realising, I didn’t feel disconnected from my sisters or my mum. In that moment, I still felt a part of my family, and my mum may even have touched my arm. Ah. There was support as well as derision; my narrative hadn’t empowered me to remember this or focus on it at the time.

Then, Mai Mai asked what the drawback was for me (felt like I was ugly), then what the benefit was (yikes!). Well, she was a bitch. There could be no benefit. Could there?

Yes. There could be a benefit; a whole stream of benefits. As a result of my early awareness that I was ugly, I focused on developing my intelligence, and my compassion and empathy for others. As a result of this, I excelled at school, went to university (hold a Masters degree), have taught successfully for twenty five years, am well regarded, fondly remembered and often told how strong my impact on others is, run a very successful business and am a lifelong learner, as well as fucking attractive (swearing for emphasis of the gains).

Mai Mai then asked me to consider what my life might look like had this incident not occurred. Oh my.

A light bulb sparked for me. I literally felt the negative emotion dissolve away to intense gratitude and love for this woman that I have scorned for decades. I had no words. I had tears rise. I could not believe the gift this woman had given me by ignoring me that day. In part, everything I am in this moment is as a result of this memory, now diffused.

My perception of the incident is now balanced. The charge is gone. And, then the most bizarre physical reaction occurred. In my belly I could feel the cells re-pattern and reorganise themselves, similar to how I feel the BodyTalk sessions; butterflies but not.

In my mind, young ugly Tina (😜) put her hands in prayer and thanked the woman, like we were reliving the moment again with the wisdom now accrued.

And so, thank you woman in the salon, many times, THANK YOU! Your negativity empowered and inspired me to be better and to be rounded. It also ensured my underlying philosophy for teaching, all children will be included and reminded that they are perfect just as they are.

And Tina, thank you for heeding the call. What an incredible journey this life is, and it will only get better as you continue to grow and dissolve charges.

And, Peter, thank you for the retreat that lead me here, for your wisdom and love.

Mai Mai – thank YOU for being you and for embracing me in all my imperfection and perfection. I am so excited to share this part of my journey with you.

Blessed. Grateful. Empowered.

🙏🏻🦋