An update to my last post …
I felt a sense of peace and right after writing my thoughts out. I am forever telling my students that we can only process so far in our heads; eventually it needs to come out and if we control how it comes out, it can be less damaging.
Terrified, I spoke to one of the people on Friday. I think it was empowering for me to show my vulnerable side. They saw a different side to the perception that exists of me. Don’t get me wrong. I am strong, arrogant, forthright, etcetera, but I am also very soft, very fragile and very damaged. In my workplace though, that me rarely has the need to be seen.
Apart from being fixated on my tattoos, they were very responsive, very honest and very genuine. And as a result, another layer of trust was constructed. The context they afforded me completely made sense. The eyes and gestures were not directed towards me but to the day. And I can appreciate that; I myself have made comments about training days.
And even after that, he still apologised. So my respect for him grew.
It highlighted for me how important communication is, and how important that type of confrontation is.
Being vulnerable ensured that I went in with an open heart and an open mind. Knowing that I had Sara in the staffroom waiting assisted me to find the twenty seconds of courage it took to knock, sit down and start.
I learned several things from this experience. Support is vital. Courage is only ever required for twenty second bursts. Perception exists but shouldn’t be trusted; there are always layers to truth. And contexts need to be understood before judgement of any kind occurs, if judgement is necessary at all.
I was terrified but I did it anyway.
I’m a little proud of myself … just to go against Ekhart ;-).