Massive day today. Beautiful brunch with a forever friend, followed by a session with Mai Mai that was intensely amazing. Then work and just getting home now. Massive day.

No idea where to begin.

I think the bullying in schools problem is massive. Moreso in the non-public schools than the public schools. For some reason, the public schools I’m aware of feel more accountable than the non-public.

I think that if more schools took a hard line on bullying, and put in place welfare programs for bullies and victims alike, the problem would take less lives.

Yes. I do think it is that simple.


So, I left my beautician yesterday, telling her she needs to charge more. I love the work she does on my face and I only pay $30. She told me she couldn’t because people would stop coming.

When I was in the shower today, I was reflecting on this. I am there for half an hour to forty minutes. I charge the same for tutoring for half an hour.

I told Sam she was worth more.

I’m working on my poverty consciousness. The irony of my comment to Sam dawned on me today. She is worth more. I am going to pay her accordingly. I am worth more. She acted as my mirror.

Was I really talking to myself too?

Odds and Sodds

I have arrived at my appointment early. No surprises. 37 minutes ago I was sitting on the lounge reconciling business accounts in my pyjamas and unshowered. Now, I’m showered, dressed and writing today’s blog waiting to go in.

The sky is interesting. Very black clouds ahead of me, blue sky beyond that, and the sun’s warmth burning my arm as I question why I’m wearing a cardigan. Seasons change, and regardless of the temperature, so does my wardrobe.

I have also worked on my poverty consciousness this morning. Interestingly, one thing that came up for me, which will probably sound very weird, is that I have kept myself poor because my perception is that people will expect less from me.

I can sort of work out where that might have come from. After my parents divorced, the perception was that my father was very wealthy and more was expected from him as a result. He was definitely better off financially than my mum who became a single Mum on benefits, but because of the contrast, the perception was that he was infinitely more wealthy.

I don’t know how true this is. It wasn’t my place to know. But the perceptions have impacted me.

Also, my perceptions regarding money connect to my sense of worth and value. These perceptions are a constant work in progress.

How quickly time moves …

And then …

I’ve worked out what my issue is the last couple of weeks. Last year I became wholly my authentic self. I no longer wear a mask, any mask. None fit.

I think, well, really, I know, I used to wear a mask. It didn’t come on suddenly, but as my passion diminished for work and for life, as the fertility treatments amassed with little to no real result, a wall between myself and feeling was constructed.

It served me well. I could do my job as a Head Teacher in a difficult school and hide my feelings. Well, mostly. Occasionally humanity would come in.

Then, 2016. Investigation. Breakdown. My world, as I knew it, ceased to be. Everything I thought I knew and everything I thought I was, ceased to be. Mask ripped off as I spent 2017 rebuilding myself and my life.

I’ve grown to love me. I’ve grown to like who I am. I no longer wear a mask. My crazy is showcased for all to see. I can’t hide an emotion or a thought to save myself. To the extreme.

I’m at peace. I’m happy. When I am doing the things that align with my highest values.

I’m working on my poverty consciousness and seeing changes already. I know I’m still moving forward. I’m very grateful. I feel very blessed.

It’s been a very long road, with many more steps to come. The flowers on the way make it worthwhile. Clumsy metaphor but the spirit is pure. See, no edits, no need.


Married At First Sight. I love it. A guilty obsession with very little guilt.

I love Sarah and Telv, and hope Sarah moves through her worth issues. Her baggage is causing fear issues.

I feel for Gab and Nasser. Justin tried too hard on the couch. Troy is nice, but not right for Ash. John and Mel I love. Pat and Charlene are sweet. Tracey and Dean – yeah, no.

Not sure about Trish’s strategies. Think it’s a bit invasive and awkward.


And, no, this is not the best thing to have written about today, but it’s the least confronting at this time of night 😜

The Benefits of Self-Care

Looking after your own needs is the best way to let yourself know that you are valuable and loved. We cannot give to others, without cost to the self, if we have not ensured that we are at optimum health first.

We carry so much guilt if we cancel plans, or fail to return a phone call, or aren’t there for someone else, but the truth is, it is okay, more than okay, to put your own needs first.

It’s taken me a long time to understand and to live this way. I am still a work in progress. But, I am working on it.

Yesterday, in the interests of self-care, I had a full body massage. I can’t really afford it at the moment, but last week was a rough week, and I hoped that the massage would relieve and release some emotional blocks.

In some areas, I felt such deep pain during the massage, wincing and cringing and praying it would be over. In other areas, absolute bliss and praying it would last forever. When it was finished though, and I took those first steps, my body felt loose in a way it hasn’t in a very long time. I was smiling from the inside.

Last night, I had the best sleep I’ve had in I don’t know how long. All up, about nine and a half, ten hours of sleep.

Today, my body feels at peace. I’m slowly getting my jobs done whilst a festival takes place on the road outside my house. I did the lawns late yesterday afternoon and the backyard feels like a haven. I’ve recaptured my feelings of independence, peace and hope.

I still have a snotty nose, have my business accounts to do, some school work and my tutoring lessons for this week to organise, as well as floors to vacuum and mop, a couple of loads of washing and a couple of phone calls to return.

The windows are open, the pets are happy, and I’m at peace.

It will all happen.

In its own time.

I am so grateful I looked after me first.

Yesterday …

A quick post before I start work.

Yesterday was a great day. My car was serviced and unexpectedly cleaned. I wrote Year 7’s assessment task. Spent some time tutoring adorable and hardworking kids. Realised the importance of building relationships in making time fly. Had a few interesting text chats with friends about the true nature of teaching and classrooms. And, had some epiphanies for future business ideas.

Creating space emotionally and intellectually, continually repeating that I trust the universe to provide all that I need, and I feel more liberated.

Today is the Steam Festival where I live. There will be scores of people in my street by the time I get home, after working and after a massage, and that’s okay.

Life is good.

Taking a Step Backwards

Taking a step backwards does not equate with failure. All of us are on our own paths, and as frustrating as it can be, we are all where we are supposed to be in any given moment.

My dad always says, If you are doing what you love doing, you will never work a day in your life.

He is right. That’s how I once felt about teaching in a school. This week (Lord knows why it was this week), I realised this, again.

I love the kids I teach, love being in my classroom, love being with some of the adults in my school, but that’s about where the love ends. My soul used to believe in me as a teacher and the flame of inspiration burned brightly. It has dimmed.

I count the moments until the end of the day when I get to leave school and go to work with my tutoring students. This lights my soul’s fire. After a yucky afternoon on Tuesday, working with my kids rejuvenated me. My voice and my mindset became buoyant. This is my soul work.

When we are not living our best life, we know it. We can deny it, make excuses, avoid the reality, but it doesn’t change the reality.

When we are not motivated and inspired to go to work, we are not doing our soul’s work. And, when we don’t do our soul’s work, we are not as happy as we deserve to be. We are failing to live our best life.

This is when depression, anxiety, sadness, fear and illness start to claim our life as their own. We all deserve better than that.

So, the realisation came to me in rolling messages from the universe, as I outlined in my last post. I need to change it. I need to be patient so that my fear can catch up to my enlightenment.

Owning the need to change my life, to let go of fear, is the first step in a long line of first steps.

When I was in relaxation during yoga yesterday morning, my Obi Wan guide came to me as I floated amongst the stars. He told me to trust life as I trust floating. Gabby Bernstein, this morning, told me to mantra, I am learning through love, as I listened to The Universe Has Your Back. I started listening again, earlier this week, when I needed a trigger to remember that the universe will always hold me safely as long as I embrace it in trust.

I have started Mai Mai’s work for me, Demartini’ing my poverty consciousness and blocks to abundance. I am getting bills paid and things done by prioritising my spending. I am reinventing my business, reminding myself what I specifically love doing and reminding myself that I am worthy of the very best life offers. I am remembering that I will always land on my feet, that I am safe, and that I am worthy of living the life I want without exception.

I am a work in progress, striving for better.

Shedding Skin

I am at a real tipping point in my life. Taking last year away from consistent classroom teaching to travel and build a business has irrevocably changed me.

I cannot go backwards.

On Friday last week, I went to my Demartini session with Mai Mai, and we started to focus attention on blocks I have to money (my poverty consciousness). I have some homework to do, but before I could get too far into it, the universe started sending me signs.

Before last year, I worked long hours and would spend most of the weekend fatigued and/or sick on the lounge. Sure signs that something was wrong and I wasn’t living my best life, and signs that I felt helpless about for a long time. What else could I do?

Last weekend, I was sick and I was fatigued.

On Monday at work, my class was called a derogatory name by a student walking past our room, and the same student then called me a name. Another student, shortly after, gave me a mouthful and called me a name.

I don’t care about the names. Water off a duck’s back these days. But, I don’t want to live my life like that. I’m doing my job, still passionate about empowering my kids to learn and to be their best selves, and I (nor anyone else) deserves it needs this garbage in their lives.

Then, Tuesday, my walls of protection are gone, and some students were so arrogant and rude towards me that I stood in front of another group of kids with tears rolling down my face, and me unable to stop them.

No longer my life.

From my sessions with Mai Mai I have learned to consciously look for the support in all situations, minimising and neutralising the negative charge of mis-perception. So, I could see the overwhelming support from the other students, group hugs and ensuring I knew I was valued.

I owned my truth and they owned their truth. Beautiful symbiosis. Perfect moment, really.

Yesterday, Years 5 and 6 students from our local feeder schools came. I taught some of these kids last year casually. They were so excited to see me again. Some ran through the playground to reconnect. I have made a positive impact in education.

I ran into an ex- student on Tuesday night. They were so loving and warm towards me. Yes, I’ve made a positive impact. I still am. My classes adore me, as I adore them.

That’s what makes teachers leaving teaching difficult. You don’t want to let these kids down.

But, there comes a point when you start to value yourself more, and the politics and increasing administrative workload of teaching is too much.

I’m there. Yesterday, I had to cancel my clients because half an hour before school finished, I started sweating, shaking and had to leave the classroom twice to release whatever was in my body. Sane continued at home. There is no stronger sign that you are not where you are meant to be.

I love my tutoring clients (thank you, Karyn) – who ever would have thought – and that work lights a fire in my soul; there are no negatives and all obstacles have solutions. And, I really am a healer more than a teacher now (or, I own who I have always been more now). I want to grow that part of my business. And, I want to write.

I can’t be wholly me whilst my time is spent living someone else’s life, even for five days a fortnight. Still need bills to be paid though. So, I’m at a tipping point.

I am going to have to restructure my business and my time and finish my work on poverty consciousness with Mai Mai. Then, the universe will shift and I will shift accordingly.

Fear is a powerful thing. It can keep us stuck in something that no longer serves us. It is okay to leap. Whenever I have leaped, I have succeeded. The universe always conspires to help us live our best life. If we are on our right path, we don’t live in misery, stagnation or fear. Twenty seconds of courage.

That’s all it takes.

I commit to change coming sooner rather than later. I commit to doing the work. I commit to change.

This full moon, I will be shedding this skin during ritual. I don’t like feeling sick, feeling swollen, feeling cortisol course through my body again, immobilizing my shoulders, back and legs. It’s not who I want to be.

My Crazy Head

Some of you will read this and think I’ve gone cray cray. If I’m crazy now, I always have been.

When I was in Minnesota (one of my favourite places on Earth) last year, I received two very powerful healings, followed by an activation and healing. This week in the US, followed by my trip to the Grand Canyon, profoundly changed me.

I remembered things I have always known and started trusting this.

I have always known that ghosts walked among us. As I have aged, these ideas have developed into an understanding that time is not linear, and that many universes and existences/lives are played out at the same time. I understand the notion of lucid dreaming, but have found the human interpretation too restrictive and palatable, rather believing that lucid dreaming is astral travel and that many of us work in other realms healing the grid during our human sleeping hours. Recently, I have come to know and accept my alien self/existence, and have been blessed to meet others, all in human form. And, now, I talk to spirit and deliver messages frequently.

It’s been an interesting evolution. Realistically, remembering what I have always known and manifesting it without fear in this somewhat secular and unbelieving world.

I’m happier than I have ever been.

That’s important. And, I share what I know and share healing with others. So, if I am crazy, others benefit. Keep justifying, Tina lol.

Anyway, the reason I write this. A few weeks ago, a couple of friends were here, and I practiced the sound healing on them. One of my friends has strong electrical influences. My TV has always been sensitive to energy. Since her healing, it has switched itself on almost every night.

Last night, there was a different energy around this. I’m usually asleep or away when this happens. But, last night, my dogs were barking, which woke me, and then the TV came on. I had a strong feeling of not being alone. And, knew in my heart that it was switched on by someone/something.

I felt no fear. Got up. Turned it off. Checked the time: 12.38. Wide awake. I felt like I had been asleep for much longer. An hour and a half later, I fell back to sleep.

I have no concern. I am just interested in the why. I’ll smudge the rooms today. And, I’ll clear the energy. But, I’m quite sure someone wants me to deliver a message.

Yep. Cray, cray. But, happy.