A Spiritual Journey

Just a quick one. Illness has taken hold of me. Lol.

1. I have been struggling to trust the universe with regards to money. I have been working so hard but money comes in and goes out. Trust is hard. I’m now sick, laughing at myself. A black feather made its way into my house. Just yesterday I was thinking, I never find feathers.

Okay. So you were listening and you were there. Black feathers represent healing and letting go in trust.

Yep.

2. I found a little picture thing on Facebook and a friend’s name kept being repeated, with urgency, in my head. I sent it to her. She said the timing was perfect; she needed to hear it. I’m sure she doesn’t believe it, but she did hear it.

The universe works in mysterious ways.

I trust.

I think that’s why one of my all time favourite movies, and I watch it every year, is Miracle on 34th Street. Faith. Trust. Santa is real.

Making It Real

I have been doing a LOT of reading lately. I am trying to manifest abundance, regularly set and stick to intentions, and mostly, trusting the universe to break connections to my old life. I do not want to go back to the life I lived that was not really any sort of happy life.

Much easier to say than do. And, I'm a nerd. I don't like getting things wrong.

I know that I have to stay the course; what I feed, I create.

I want my healing business to succeed. I want people to feel safe enough to embrace the life that waits for them. I want the same for myself.

I want to be a published author. I want financial freedom so that I can live this life without the constant worry of money and making ends meet.

I am grateful for everything that the universe has already supplied to me to empower this vision.

I had a test of all of this last night. I have a practise healing session today, postponed from last Monday because I was exhausted after working in a school as well as with all of my clients. I also received two offers of casual work. I declined both, putting the healing session and my client first, even though I know she would understand if I had to postpone again.

I went to sleep debating whether I had made the right choice. My savings are gone. The only money I am bringing in is from my tutoring business. I use it for food, petrol, and in the next fortnight, it will have to pay all of my fortnightly bills too. This is overwhelming.

I woke up this morning at 7; the natural time my body wakes. But for work, I need to be up by 630. Interesting in itself. Work makes me go against my body's natural rhythms. I opened my emails, only one, and Reid Tracy's Hay House newsletter was there. He wrote that the distinction between dreamers and successful people, is that successful people take action. That's it, they take action.

I have chosen to interpret that, in line with feeding that which I want to see thrive, as having made the right decision. For today. I have been offered work later in the week; I have accepted that single day. It makes next week's target more do-able.

We shall see. Any which way, I'm about to learn a lesson lol.

Trusting is not easy. This is the first step.

Rubbing Against Old Patterns

I am writing a book/book proposal; working hard to manifest last new moon's intentions. I have always wanted to be a writer. And, I am.

I am grateful for this platform in this technological and connected age. But, I want more. I want books in print, partly for ego, if I'm being honest, but mostly because I have something to share. I completed a Masters degree in Writing to support the manifestation of this dream. I started this blog to support the manifestation of this dream. I went to the Writer's Workshop to manifest this dream.

And this week, I found myself rubbing up against the same old conditioning that has plagued my life: fear.

That I'm not good enough.
That I'm not unique enough.
That I have nothing new to say.
That no one is really interested.
That I'm not good enough.
That I'm not good enough.
That I'm not good enough.

Fleeting thoughts, not deep enough to upset me. And, real enough to paralyze the free flow of my writing.

I combat these thoughts, this fear, and keep doing it anyway. This is what is different now. I push through in spite of the fear. I haven't given up. I continue to torture the words, forcing them into uncomfortable positions, making them do my will.

And then Saturday morning comes, I watch some inspirational videos, and I remember to trust myself, and I remember to trust the universe (or God), and I remember that every path I take leads me closer to my enlightenment.

And I hear the higher voice reminding me to be authentic, telling me not to do what other books have done, do what you do best Tina, and I recall a message I received last week from my long term friend and sister, Crystal, and she was already reminding me of what I needed to do. It took me a couple of days, that's all, for my mind to catch up and trust.

That pesky voice who lives in fear, man, it comes at the worst times, and it inhibits growth and movement, and I forgot to acknowledge it and tell it that I hear it, but it has no power here anymore, because it found a different way to get in. It didn't come in and stop me from starting, it waited until I was in the writing groove and then it struck, mercilessly. It camouflaged itself, and it has taken a couple of days for me to see it for what it is.

But I see you now, fear, little f, and I am telling you again, you don't live here anymore.

And so mote it be. Vanquished.

Time to write.

Vulnerability

I plugged my USB into my laptop four and a half minutes ago. Brene Brown's Vulnerability TED Talk came on, and I'm now fighting the urge to fight back tears. Let them flow, Tina, let them flow.

Weird response, you might think. And, yes, I would usually agree. The tears pricked as Brene said that whilst she wanted to get her work out to the world, a part of her has worked hard to engineer staying small.

My tears pricked because I noticed how much I have grown. This resonated with me this time last year; that fear of abundance, of an audience, of people bearing witness to my life, in its totality. This means, the bad shameful stuff as well as the weird and the good.

We are, all of us, a whole package.

People have told me (and god love all of you who have because you have empowered me even further) that they respect the courage I show to post my life on the internet. It has taken me a long time to see this courage they speak of, but they are right. For me, I've always replied that whilst I know there is an audience reading, I don't really know there is an audience reading.

When I write, I write mostly for myself: what is it that I need to most hear to empower me to heal, to process, to grow. Sometimes I write for a particular person, to validate their experience or response, sometimes I write to expose or to teach, but mostly it is for myself. As Beyoncé sings, I was here; a record that I existed and that I live.

Back to being small, this was me. I wanted my 'wisdom' out there, I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be noticed, but not really. Because what if people don't get it, or don't like me, or think I'm weird, or think I'm a fool.

Yep. What if.

Who cares.

My truth is my truth. And my truth can change, and can grow, and that is okay.

I don't necessarily want to be big. But, I do want to be. And, just being now, is enough. I trust that I will put things out there and the consequences will be what they will be. My foundation is strong and won't be shaken.

I think I feel a little nervous about my book on my healing journey through sexual abuse (as part of a traumatic childhood). Maybe a little vulnerability and a little shame lingering, and I think that's okay. We all go through stuff as children that impacts who we become, positive and negative, and it's okay. The first step in healing is acknowledging this. As Dr Phil says, You can't fix what you don't acknowledge.

So, acknowledgement comes first. We each need to hold our head up high and speak our truth. Acknowledge what happened, acknowledge the impact, acknowledge the desire to change, to grow, to bloom.

None of us deserve to feel small. Our experiences and who we are, are significant. And valid. We don't need to justify or validate them for others, our knowing is enough.

And, our desire to be big does not serve us in the telling of our truth, because if we desire to be big we stop being authentic, and we start to behave to please others rather than to serve our own higher interests. And this is disingenuous.

We can only heal when we acknowledge what has been 'done' to us (marked this way because I believe we choose) and acknowledge the impact it has made, good and bad. And, truly own ourselves in every sense. And, when we reach that point, it no longer matters whether we are big, or have an audience, or are noticed, because we come to knowing that we are enough, just as we are.

This did not end or go where I expected it might. I hope you get something from it; I'm almost ready to write.

🙏🏻🦋

A Focus on the Dark

Write the book you wanted to read when you were younger.

Thank you, Higher Self.

I had the title for this post but then became stuck. Where to from here? Not dissimilar to when I start first writing a novel or this new book. I have massive inspiration, can't wait to get started, and when I do, I start tripping over myself.

It is temporary. It is vital. And, it is very annoying.

My question was going to be, what would you want to read? My Higher Self responded as above.

The first couple of chapters will outline my personal experience with abuse, both sexual and physical. Later on in the book, I focus on the emotional and psychological impact of this.

Fractured memories is how I have titled it. I remember snapshots and sound bytes. Nothing else really. This frustrated me for a long time. People need proof and they need to know what happened for you to be credible, for it to be validated. Sometimes this isn't possible for a variety of reasons (after all, even if you do remember it in excruciating detail, you may not be able to voice it).

The impact is a self-doubt and a feeling that you are creating something bigger than it needs to be. Not entirely true. This doubt starts to manipulate your confidence in other areas, detracting from your sense of self and belief in self. Questions sometimes erode trust.

How do we move past this?

Expression. Stand in your truth. Even if you can't articulate it to others just yet, say it to yourself. Own what you do remember. Trust those feelings. Work through them.

Another person's perception of your story is just that, perception. They aren't living it. And if your perception is a little blown out, working through it will bring peace to that need too. If we are feeling something, it is coming from somewhere that needs to be addressed for health. Trust it. Work through it. Heal it.

You will be okay.

Sliding after the High

For the last four to five weeks my life has been go go go. For this introvert, there has been very little down time. And there have been trends in emotion, mostly very high.

Today, I am so drained.

My soul is positive. I know that days like today are temporary. I am doing what I need to do, and very little else.

I have finally arrived at the point in my evolution where it is okay for me to say, not today, without guilt.

I am eating well. I am still drinking my crystal water. I am sleeping (albeit last night on the lounge, waking up disoriented at 5.18am, swearing to myself that I'm sure I got up to go to bed). I am living my life, answering the calls from the universe.

I am heading to work early. At home, I will watch television. At the Library, I can write. I'm going to get a coffee on the way, and sit and enjoy today's writer's life.

I am nourishing what I would like to see grow. Feeding the intention. I'm going to start drafting my book proposal for Hay House.

This excites me. Even on a fatigued day, this excites me. Working towards my goals, manifesting the reality I would like to be mine, there is nothing better.

Full moon in an eclipse time. Emotions are going to be impacted. It's okay.

Deep breaths and stay the path; we will all make it.

Much love and big hugs,

🙏🏻🦋

The Importance of Voice in Healing Trauma

We all experience some type of trauma during our lifetimes; it is inevitable. The type of trauma can range from childhood trauma (accident, disability, abuse, you get the gist) to losing a child or parent or grandparent or friend or partner, or rape, unemployment, anxiety, the list is endless.

We are all different and we all come from different places; however, I believe that if we are to heal from this trauma, get to a point where we can think about it without anxiety, stress or pain, we need to give it a voice.

For me, the voice first came through when dealing with referrals at school, kids disclosing to me about their own abuse and/or trauma. I would then journal, always trying to get it out of my head so that it couldn't fester. My voice, unbeknownst to me at the time, has also shown itself through tattooing. My tattoos are all markers of moments, experiences and memories. Intermittently, I have journaled and spoken my truth during my life. In mid 2014, I started blogging, expressing my voice through written word to a larger audience.

As a result, I can speak about the truth of my experiences safely. Rarely does talking about, even my IVF journey, bring me residual pain that still needs to be resolved. Finding my voice and sharing my experiences has lessened the impact of the trauma.

It is through sharing (which requires a voice) that I have processed the events, re-lived them enough that they no longer hurt, and ultimately, become grateful for them because I am a better person as a result of them.

I would not be as empathetic, as compassionate, as sensitive, as loving, as resilient, or as inspiring without each of the traumas that I have survived and flourished from.

Finding and reclaiming my voice has been a long journey, starting from when it was first silenced when I was very young. Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes to healing trauma. For me though, finding and using my voice has been integral.

My voice is not your voice. But there will be a voice that suits/fits you. It might come through painting, or fitness, or drawing, or dancing, or running groups, or volunteer work, or traveling, or it could be like mine, through writing. I implore you, if you have suffered and endure trauma, give it a voice.

Share the experience. You never know whom you may help.

You can explore this journey with me further on my Facebook page Tina K Meyer.

Quantum Hypnosis Healing Session Part 4

Connection to source: I received an image of Mother Mary in a Rivendell-type setting. A utopia; people just being in peace. My stomach started to vibrate through it's bloating as I said Mary appeared to remind me to trust.

It is important to note, I have never been a Christian and Mother Mary holds little significance for me personally.

I expressed that I had a fear of living, that people aren't threatened by someone who carries weight. My Higher Self came in at this point to talk to Gabrielle. HS said that Tina has now realised the importance of trust. And now needs to let go of the old life, old connections, to fully move onto the new (original) path.

My voice begins to radiate real strength and control at this point, wholly present, unlike the voice when I was speaking as myself, which sounded a bit drowsy/dopey.

The key is to empower others to heal so that I can continue to heal. I need to write and to stand in the light. Time in nature is necessary – feet on the ground, touching the earth, connected to the earth, every day feet in the grass.

I wish you could hear the voice of my HS: massive biatch, "She thinks driving from Campbelltown to Thirlmere is being in nature, but it's not, because she is not putting her feet on the ground … and she knows this. She doesn't make the time. She keeps saying yes to work she doesn't want."

The tone. Man, it's cutting. And hilarious, like receiving a scolding from a friend's parent.

They then discuss my choice to incarnate. I was supposed to stop incarnating a long time ago. HS then snaps, "She was told ten years ago that a book and healing were her path, and she went straight back to teaching. She knows. She needs to stay this path."

"She needs to trust that we will provide for her. As soon as she trusts this, abundance will come."

I need to take the steps to leave teaching and move wholly onto my next path. It's so funny. Anyone who really knows me, would be laughing at my voice scolding me so vehemently.

I heal through writing and I trigger the desire for others to heal through my writing. I need to realise and accept this.

Gabrielle then questioned why I had been shown the scenes that I had been shown. My five year old self was shown to remind me that even whilst I was scared and alone, my inner core felt safe and grounded. My HS then dobbed on me to Gabrielle, and let her know that before I moved into the next scene, I had placed my hands on my mother and father's foreheads to emanate light from their crowns into their being to allow them to heal faster.

This part has struck emotion deep in my soul; almost the desire to cry. An old soul in a young body emanating love.

My HS then lectures on the heart of the human being, the nerve centre as the stomach; nourishment, expulsion, health. I have a limitation by failing to protect myself when I am there for others. I give my whole self and so take on board the welfare of others deeply. My HS then mentions that they have sent someone to remind me to protect but I'm a slow learner. I also need to use moonstone and jasper to aid in this (I bought both on the way out of Krystal Kamali).

I also need to bless my food consistently and eat mostly a plant based diet to purify my physical body. I need to write affirmations as reminders, and put them up as a way of reclaiming my 'abnormality'. I need to create a list for each aspect of my new ritual; I need to create a structure to support the work I came here to do. I need to master these before I receive the next steps.

My HS then said that I wouldn't be surprised by any of this because I already knew all of it. This is true. Everything I was shown through my session was to remind me of what I already know to be my truth.

We have individual contracts for each lifetime, but we also have universal contracts. I'm not ready to activate my galactic guide but will be within six months (I'm seeing Uluru). My other guides are my guides for this lifetime; I have met the whole group. I need to nurture the child within, my spirit child, "She is birthing in other ways … her mothering experience has reached many many many other children."

We are not just one lifetime. We move from one lifetime to the next, one planet to the next, one universe to the next. Our physical body is just the body we chose for this incarnation.

We then moved to the grid work and my dreams. I live my Higher Self life during sleep. All I need to do is ask for a night off and I'll receive it; I need to voice and ask for what I want – that is one of my lessons for this lifetime. I need to be conscious that I'm working in many realms at once.

My work is to reprogram the individual to enable the reprogramming of the larger grid. The individual programming I have engaged in throughout the entirety of this incarnation: with my sisters, with the bullies as I grew up, in my role as a teacher in a system. Once the connection to that life is broken, abundance will come.

My HS kept reiterating that one of my lessons is to ask for what I need, to express that. Yep. I hear it. I understand. Meh. Also, my weight is the result of a life that I refused to leave even though I knew I should leave it so I punished myself. It's now time to let it all go. To accept that I'm not normal and my path will be everything but. "As she returns to balance, her weight will return to balance."

I think it's important to state that my weight was an issue I wanted clarification about which is why it featured through this session. Also, my best self is not served in teaching and my diabetes is a reminder that I've reached my use-by date in teaching, and my high blood pressure a result of staying in high stress situations, reminiscent of childhood.

My HS then told Gabrielle to let me know that Tara was with us during the session. Answering the call is the key and once one call is answered successfully, it becomes easier to answer every call. As that happens, growth happens faster. Transformation becomes inevitable. "Life does not need to be convoluted to achieve our aims."

We then scanned my body for density, injury, held trauma, and my HS massaged those areas and sent light into them.

I'd like to say that my body has been expelling everything since Thursday's session. I've been sick as everything comes out. I'm okay with that, "the expulsion of everyone else's garbage to create space for her own."

👽🦋👽

So, there you have it. A recount of the hour and forty three minute session I had on Thursday. I giggled a lot as I listened to it. I feel it is my truth. As I've said before, it doesn't have to be your truth. However, if you've had a similar experience, I'd love to hear about it.

I have googled, the nerd that I am, some of the visual references I received. They have all been validated by images from this dimension.

This is an interesting time. We are in a year marked by new beginnings and massive transformation. All I ask, if you are called to do something that will not cause injury or harm to others, answer the call; it will transform your life.

Abundance?

There is enough for everyone.

I think I might finally be starting to believe this. It has taken me a week to process my Hay House Writers Workshop experience. And it was reading a blog piece by someone I met last weekend that has allowed the final piece for now to sit comfortably.

Since the success of my India experiment (answering the call, trusting I will be fine, being true to the experience, letting go of redundant labels like shy), I head in to each new experience with an infinite sense of trust and calm. I didn't know what to expect from the Writers Workshop so I chose to expect nothing; I answered the call and that was what I was supposed to do. That was enough.

I pre-booked my parking. I never do this. But I answered that call too. I missed the entrance. The GPS said I had arrived and did not reroute. I took a deep breath, and with logic and faith, I made my way back to the parking station. I lined myself up for a spot and a zippy car sped into it. I did a u-turn a little further down and came to park in another spare spot.

I tell you this because this run of events is usually so inconsequential in our lives that we do not pay any mind to them. As I tried to navigate myself to the Convention Centre, a lady asked if I was going to the Workshop. I said yes.

We started walking together, we registered, we sat together, we ate together, we met up for breakfast the next day, sat together, ate together, met new people together, had our books signed together, had photos together, and not ready to leave this 'new' friendship, had a drink after the workshop, together.

The conversation flowed easily and went deep almost immediately. Another of my tribe.

I have opened space in my life by jumping this year. As a result, I have given permission to myself to explore new things, meet new people, and move more fully into who I am. My heart has opened, my mind has opened, and I'm living with more conscious purpose than I have in a long time. So, it follows, my life has opened.

And, the real beauty in this, is that my old life (the parts that served me – friends, working with kids, healing, writing) are staying with me whilst I build my new life (taking what serves and leaving behind what doesn't serve me any longer). I feel so liberated.

I am struggling to break old connections. Teaching in schools for money is the greatest obstacle I face; that routine and that connection have been my life for over twenty four years. I am still working on manifesting financial freedom, but I think I just need to relax into it rather than focus on whether I have enough money all of the time.

And trust in abundance; there is enough for all of us.

Dr Ali Walker spoke at the workshop. She resonated for me. She had set her intention to become a Hay House author, put symbols on the fridge, focused entirely on it, and when Hay House rejected her manuscript, her life as she knew it, ended. The intention had not manifested and she was emotionally broken. Knowing her message was important, she started over, more relaxed, and Hay House has published her message.

I need to relax. I've set my intentions. I need to now release them for manifestation, in whatever way they will serve me best. I trust in this.

After all, there is enough for all of us.

Quantum Hypnosis Healing Session Part Two

I have woken less heavy after a really good sleep. Throat is sore and nose is still running – emotional release and needing to still express some stuff. I think, for me, that needs to be done in writing but also with my sound voice.

Anyway, I haven't listened to my recording yet. I took some serious time out for myself last night after showering and blogging.

I remember snapshots of the experience. One of these was my current physical form exploding apart as shards of crystal lodged into it. This sounds painful but it was actually liberating. The physical form still existed, but in a frozen fractured state. I felt free of all that I have carried through this lifetime thus far.

And I can assure you, that emptying has manifested in this reality since my session yesterday. Initially bloated after the session, that air has released and taken everything solid within me lol. Hopefully not too much information for you.

One of the most incredible sections of my session yesterday will appear unbelievable to many (I think, but I hope not to be honest). As I have said before, this is my truth; I do not expect it to be your truth.

I was standing (not as me, but as an energy me, my essence) at the apex of a triangle with many others streaming out behind my core group, at all stages of evolution. We were standing in the galaxy, looking through the universe and onto planet Earth. We were standing, levitating, above the grid. The grid was lightly lit; the constellations doing this at points.

We were watching spears of energy manifest, and arrow into key points of the planet before forming arcs of connection between all that is, and all that has been. It was palpable. We were watching incredible healing take place from the grid and the healing was raising the Earth's vibration out of the third dimension.

Earlier in my session, much earlier, I had been taken to a place that was not this physical manifestation of Earth. It was a fifth dimension manifestation, and it was the Earth. No longer called Earth but Balachus (I know, crazy I must be; however, I questioned whether I was making it up and came to the conclusion that this is what I received; my knowledge hurts no one so I'm resting with it. I can't prove that it isn't true). It was beautiful. Vivid colours and shapes, ethereal. And, completely peaceful.

The session, and this particular 'scene', validated my recent healing experiments and theories. Individual healing with physical, creative manifestation released, will transform the larger grid as well as an individual's own grid.

This is my current soul purpose.

I feel empowered this morning. Sick but empowered. I feel stronger in my reason for being here.

Oh, I slipped into third person whilst I was in the theta state towards the end of my session. Most of you who know me, know that I do this randomly anyway; however, this time, and possibly every time, it was my Higher Self talking to Gabrielle and answering her questions. I have channelled before and this is pretty much what this felt like. My Higher Self though, is cold and straight to the point. It doesn't take any garbage.

My Higher Self summarised what I needed to do and connected the different scenes. It told Gabrielle that I have everything I need to do my work. I need to just get on and do it. But I won't do all of it quickly. I will still retreat to my old life for a while.

I'll post Part Three after I have listened to the recording on Sunday. Heavy.