Tonight is the first night of my Moving Beyond Childhood Trauma workshop. I am excited and terrified all in one.
Running workshops always terrifies me. The impact of my own trauma becomes very obvious to me: the fear that I’m not good enough and have nothing to offer of use.
Obviously, this is garbage, but it is the narrative I’ve told myself my whole life. I’m not good enough. I think that’s why I stayed in teaching for so long – the system kept me very small and I enabled that because it fed my narrative – I’m just not good enough.
So, I have to walk the talk. I have to tell the fear to sit in the back seat whilst I drive the car. It can come, but it can not speak. Thank you, Liz Gilbert. I pay this metaphor forward and it changes lives.
Fear is normal. Minimizing yourself as a result of it is something you can control. To live our best lives, we need to learn to harness it. Acknowledge its existence, but do not give it power.
I scaffolded the program weeks ago. As you do. Something had been holding me back from fully committing to that scaffold. Yesterday, just before heading to work, tonight flashed into my brain.
The last week, first.
Always have the goal in mind. What do I want my life to look like? Who do I want to be?
Then, we will deal with the trauma.
I’m hoping the participants find the courage within themselves to attend; I have such a good feeling about the group.
Another impact of my own trauma is that I used to struggle with stepping outside of my comfort zone. Twenty seconds of courage to click yes and to knock on a door changed that. I now go when and where I am called.
Changing my trauma narrative comes one word at a time, one impact at a time, one change at a time. With lots of self-love practiced.
Trauma doesn’t have to define our lives. It is our choice.