Settling Dust

I am exhausted. Yesterday, I struggled to move. I had been telling myself, with very full days, that I just had to get to Wednesday. Hehe. I needed to give myself more days I think. I’ve woken up today, still feeling like I’ve been hit repeatedly by a bus. So, I dyed my hair – long overdue and the dark roots always look oily against blonde once you hit a certain point. A point I probably hit three weeks ago. I feel refreshed. And peacefully happy. I knew my lump was benign. I have been referred to a breast specialist for further confirmation. I’m not sure I’ll be making that appointment. I have believed that the fibroadenoma emerged because I had lessons to learn. I tend to put my needs last most of the time. I need to stop doing that and put my needs first. I am becoming more mindful of and to this. If I can’t do something, I express it. First steps, but big steps towards changing life long patterns that directly correlate to my perception of my own worth. I have been reading a book that looks at the emotional causes of illness. Similar to Louise Hay, but more in depth and significantly more confronting. It’s called The Secret Language of your Body and is written by Inna Segal. Breast lumps suggest that I have been holding on to past hurts and regrets, and am feeling unfulfilled, difficulty asking for help, not saying no, and a lack of nurturing and comfort. Hehehe. An uncomfortable read. Looking at other aspects of my dis-ease, like my weight, doesn’t get any easier. It has empowered me to start knowing what to heal specifically. Time to rid my body of outdated attitudes and beliefs. Time to own my beauty and amazingness.

2 thoughts on “Settling Dust

  1. I enjoyed “When the Body Says No” by Gabor Mate and had some similar realizations about my own behaviour and the illnesses of family members possibly related to their behaviour. I would highly recommend it.

    Liked by 1 person

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