Living consciously and being aware/mindful can be exhausting. Without a doubt, 2017 was an amazing year for me. I have spent the past few weeks, very tired, from processing all that it was.
There was a lot of soul healing, and a lot of movement out of the role I had been playing for years and movement into who I truly am in a holistic way. After allowing myself to be silenced, my health significantly suffering as a result, I finally feel like I am speaking my truth again, embracing the courage required to do so.
I had to work through a lot of anger – anger at people who told lies that impacted me, anger at people who failed to speak up – mostly though, after some honest introspection, anger at myself for allowing an archaic and unjust system shackle me and disable my voice.
One of the hardest things we have to do is speak up against injustice. If we don’t speak up, more people’s lives become impacted. That isn’t right. As citizens, it is our responsibility to do what is right, and speak out when we see things that aren’t.
I own that I failed to do this. I have forgiven myself – I have let go of the idea that it could have been different at that time. Even still, I force myself to not qualify my failure lol.
So, in a process of constant learning and remembering and being reminded, 2017 was a year that saw the removal of my self-imposed and institutionalised shackles. As a result of this, and of speaking my truth again, unreservedly and in all of its glorious mess, I regained strength, perspective and liberated myself to live a life created by myself.
My business has been amazingly successful, and brings me great joy and love. I write seriously and am finishing my book. I have committed myself to self-publish through Balboa Press. I travelled extensively and brought a lot of new people into my life whilst maintaining my ‘older’ people.
I am happy. I am living my best life.
At the end of March last year, in my reading with Lucy Cavendish, she told me that I had one foot on the bridge to new life and one foot still planted in my old life. During the year, I moved further across the bridge, only to find myself moving back to put a toe on the old ground. Part time this year. Putting units and assessments together. Offering to do more because my old self says it is important to me.
The hardest thing about change is struggling not to go back to what you know (that had stopped serving your best interests).
I can only be and stay conscious. I might need reminders when I become absorbed, but ultimately, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I trust the broader plan for my life. I am open to receiving.
I got this.