I arrived home in the early afternoon on Friday. I had an amazing time in Kampuchea and then in Hoi An, Vietnam.
I was travel tired before leaving, or so I thought. Upon return, and the reality that this wonderful year draws to a close in five weeks when I return to teaching full time temporarily, I think my pre-trip feelings were more about me not wanting this year to end rather than me travelling again. Meh.
I fell asleep at about 3 on Friday, rose to go to work on Saturday morning, and was asleep again by about 3.30 on Saturday afternoon. I slept most of Sunday too. There is only a four hour time difference. What the.
The last two days I have managed to not nap during the day. Last night I didn’t get to sleep until 2.30 this morning. I woke at 6 and fell asleep again until about 9.30. I’m really tired now and hopefully will be in bed at a normal time, like in half an hour. Fingers crossed.
In my waking moments though, during the weekend, I felt a real loss and a sadness descending. A loss of direction, a reluctance to go back to a life that caused me so much pain last year, a fear of returning to what is infinitely easier but less fulfilling. Meh, again.
When I woke yesterday morning feeling the darkness biting, I watched a clip with Oprah and Wayne Dyer about manifesting what you want. He said, “If you want to be happy, decide to be happy.” I scoffed. Like it’s that easy. But I still tried it. Within half an hour the darkness had dissipated. At first I could feel me deciding to be happy and the fog lifting, but by the end of the half hour, I was just normal me again.
And, I haven’t looked back.
I just decided to be happy, and to trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be, and that the universe will direct me where I am meant to go when I am meant to go there.
It was that easy. I have been training myself for years I think.