I have been coughing and feeling very ordinary since Tuesday. So much internal change and processing in recent times; it was bound to catch up.
I worked in a local primary school during the week. I had a Stage 3 class. I like having one class for a whole day; you feel like you are doing more than babysitting. I had a few beautiful moments with this class.
The best one resulted in tears.
In primary school I spend some time handwriting the roll to get to know as many kids as possible by name. It also provides an opportunity for the kids to see me as our pack leader. I find that it sets the tone for the day. This is also the time that the cheekiest kids will show themselves. And, as a result, we set the boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not.
I love this part of the day, and I always fall for the kids who show themselves during roll. On this day, that became reciprocated.
One of the kids participates in a group at the end of the day and leaves the room to do this. He had been looking forward to it all day. The other kids had told me he was usually really naughty, but today he was behaving perfectly. I was surprised when ten minutes after the start of this session, he arrived back in the room and stayed. I acknowledged him and when I had the opportunity, asked what had happened to his group. Bless.
“How come you’re back from your group?”
“I chose to come back. I figured that this might be the only day in my life that you are my teacher, and I didn’t want to waste a minute of it.”
I kid you not. Tears fell. I hugged him. He looked suitably abashed and absolutely chuffed.
That connection is what I miss not teaching every day, but that connection is the same as I build with my students through my business. There is more than one way to achieve what gives us greatest joy.
And, some of those ways don’t include the grief that comes with every day teaching.
Almost at the end of eight months of leave. I have three and abut months left before I heard back to full time teaching in December.
What a break.
I hold anger towards one participant from the events of last year. I hold that person in absolute contempt and am not looking forward to working with them again. I need to come to peace with this, need to move myself to a point where I do not care, one way or the other about their existence. From that point, I can work towards coming back to love.
I have been thinking about why I feel so strongly against this person. I think it is because they have never really shown themselves to be of integrated character. They are insecure and very ego driven, and impact a lot of other people in a negative way. They are divisive and consistently deceitful. They back kids into corners and do not hide their favouritism, marginalising and wilfully hurting the kids who are not favourites.
Picking up the pieces from broken kids is never fun, even less so when the damage is intentionally caused by a colleague. For me, their work and the intention behind it is so at odds with my own intention. I’ve stood up to this person many times, but I don’t think I should have to.
As adults, we should reflect, continually, on whether we are bringing light and love into our place, or not. If not, we should try to change our actions, ourselves, or move from that place to a place where we can manifest light and love. If we aren’t here to heal, ourselves and our people, then why are we here.
It is definitely not to self serve at the expense of others, particularly children.
As I push the soap box back underneath the bed.
Have a beautiful day.