Man. My body is just so incredibly heavy. I saw my first client this afternoon, but just couldn't make it to the next one. I drove home with googly eyes, not wanting to focus on this reality, desiring to go inwards, to hide and to process and to feel. My throat and head was speedily filling with flu like symptoms, and a hot shower followed by winter pyjamas was calling my name.
I'm now on the lounge. The heaviness is still all through my body, forcing me to be quiet. But the heat of the water on my body has moved something.
Today was an amazing experience. I remember some of it. As part of the process, I need to listen to the recording at some point within the next three days. I will take notes.
I feel very validated. My experiences as a child were validated and residual anger released. And not just my family dysfunction. When I was young I had powerful, and often prophetic, dreams.
One in particular stands out. There was a massive train derailment. People in white were there salvaging what they could, supporting those still alive, there was devastation everywhere. The following morning I told my mum because it had been so lifelike. Later that day, the news revealed a massive train derailment in France and I watched, on the screen, what I had been part of the night before, in my sleep state.
Another that has stayed with me, not so much prophetic, possibly a reminder of my soul purpose after today's session, involved a massive war, armies marching against each other, and a young girl standing between them, coaxing the soldiers to turn inwards to see and feel their own hearts, accepting that war was not what they wanted. She was successful. I believed I was that girl, and that I possessed infinite power to bring healing to the planet.
In fact, when I first started teaching, I was interviewed by the local newspaper, alongside other teachers, and I expressed that my goal, my purpose, was to change the world. I stand with that now.
There is more than one way to achieve this.
Neither of these memories came forward in the session, but they have stayed with me since their arrival earlier this afternoon.
My session opened with my five year old self, wearing blue pants and a red skivvy jumper (it was the seventies). My practitioner, Gabrielle, asked questions so that I could convey what I was seeing. I was in the city. Terraced houses lined the streets. There was a bench. I was sitting on it. It was like a little community park amongst suburban urban.
I felt centred and grounded, but I was lost. I can still see myself so vividly. My dad came up to me, body-less. I could see the anger in his face, in the line of his jaw, a parent's fear. He was shaking me. My mum was standing behind him and to the side. Neither of them was their age now.
I retreated within myself. Outwardly I was calm, untouched, unmoved. Inwardly I was tense, and sobbing, and screaming. My fists were balled and rigid by my sides. I was there and not there, all at once. Gabrielle asked where my body was feeling the emotion. I replied, "In my stomach."
It was glowing red, hot, with bands of burning embers around the integral mass. She asked what I felt I needed to do to release this anger. I said I wanted to scream. She told me that if I felt safe, I should.
I did. A deep primal roar escaped my body, burning my throat on its way out, and tears came with it.
From there I moved to Bolivia. A man outside his white clay home. A toddler crawling in the dirt as his wife exited the door, carrying a basket with sticks. They were not sad, but not happy. There was something there.
We went backwards. She was lying in a blood drenched bed. She was screaming. Primal. Her baby had died. She could not have more children; her body had been ripped apart by this violent death birth.
The toddler was spirit. The toddler was staying with them. Her husband was outside, small, broken, grateful that she was alive, ashamed he could not protect her.
We returned to their present. As she came out with her basket of sticks, he moved towards her, their foreheads touching, eyes closed, and the connection drew pink energy from them, connecting them, and he held her. It was calm. Gentle. Pure love.
I think from there I left Earth. I became my alien self. Brown and green mottled reptilian skin. Thin legs and arms, big belly, his healing center, and typical alien shaped head with big eyes, surveying Saturn.
The next that I remember, and I feel there is a lot I just missed, was me surveying the universe and it's grid. Spears of energy were being focused in key aspects on Earth causing a bridge between galaxies. We were pure energy.
This is my future work. This is my purpose.
There is a lot more. For today though, this is enough.
No, I'm not crazy. Yes, I do believe all of what you have just read. We would be utterly ignorant to think we are all that there is. This is my truth. It is okay if it isn't yours. I won't judge you. Please, do not judge me.