A New Moon 

I have been chanting two mantras for over seven days now. Both are about manifesting abundance in my life. Yesterday afternoon, randomly, a woman who owns a tutoring business locally, approached me to offer the sale of it to me. 

Since starting my tutoring business, this is what I have envisaged it growing to. However, my end game is a wellness centre. I’m going to see the business space today, and the question I need to ask: is this a step or a detour? 

It will take me out of teaching, definitely. But will it take me to where I ultimately want to be. Do I want to take someone else’s business on or grow my own? Is the business model that the tutors work under, harmonious or discordant to my business philosophy? Is there space to operate weekend workshops, meditation and healing? 

This is an interesting time. Regardless of the decision I make, my excitement and wonder at the offer has reinforced that this is the direction that I need to move in. 

I need to let go of the fear, embrace the challenge, put my best business mind into gear, and actively start planning, one way or the other. 

So, new moon last night; a time to set intentions. I wrote mine down in my healing journal …


And then I pulled this card from my Lightworker deck …


And I read what it meant …


And I laughed and laughed and laughed. 

Just a quickie 

As anyone who reads regularly knows, I am in massive transition this year, moving away from the life that was and into the life that will be. And obviously, there will be some minor obstacles, hiccoughs, and the like. Change is rarely simple or easy. 

What I have had an epiphany about this morning whilst responding to a friend (truth be told, something I probably needed to say to myself more than to her), was that the obstacles and ensuing sadness, have only really come in moments when I have struggled to let go of my old life. By this, I mean when I am feeling resentful because I feel snubbed by my old school, or when people I thought would stay in contact haven’t, or when I am fearful I won’t have enough money so kill myself working long hours. 

When I resist the changes, I feel the friction and this causes moments of unhappiness. 

If I flow and trust and embrace what is happening in the present, and trust, because I know that I will be okay, more than okay, in the future, life should become easier. 

I know this yet still need reminders. Shaking my head but I guess I am only human so should cut myself some slack. 

Om Lakshmi

I have been chanting a mantra every night. I close my eyes and visualize my intention. It is a mantra to remove obstacles to abundance. 

Tonight I giggled as I realized the significance of Tuesday. I need to trust Lakshmi and Ganesh. I need to trust my heart, my mind and my soul. 

And, I do. 

PS

I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke up with anxiety for the first time since the investigation ended last year. I cried all the way to work. I was a mess when I arrived. My Head Teacher just hugged me. 

The child was beautiful today. The child’s mum had spoken to them. They had listened. They were more themselves today. And they maintained this for the entire time I taught them. A credit to their parents and my Head Teacher, they didn’t sulk like kids sometimes do and they weren’t yucky at all, just genuinely nice. 

I did change what I was doing in the classroom, work wise. Well, more the delivery of it. The child told me it was good, much better, and they participated in everything. 

Yesterday had to happen. I know that. I get it. And I know why it had to happen. 

I appreciate all of the love that was sent my way. And definitely the appreciation of my work throughout my career. It is no lie that all of my students, past and present, remain loved by me for eternity. Including the ones that give me a run for my money, sometimes especially those. 

So just a quick post to acknowledge the work the child’s parents did with them last night, the changes today, and the love I continue to feel for all of you. 

Thank you for validating me. 

❤️🙏🏻

I’ll Tell You Why 

Warning: bad language in this post; it was directed towards me today – not from my mouth. 

                                       *****

It isn’t just young teachers leaving teaching. I’m an old teacher and I am leaving teaching. Today consolidated the decision and has accelerated it; I am motivated more than ever to find something else and build it. 

The hours are insane, the paperwork is ludicrous, but beyond that, teachers just aren’t respected anymore. We are treated like sub-humans. Continuously. 

I was humiliated today. Absolutely humiliated. I wanted to sit on the floor, rock myself and sob. But I couldn’t. I was on class. I was teaching. 

It’s a hard thing to deal with. You know you are worth more, you know that you don’t deserve it, but there are too many kids who don’t value us. 

I started the day positively. I was organised. I love the kids. I was happy to see them again. Happy to be there. The start of the final four days of a block in a faculty I love, run by a great Head Teacher whom I adore. 

One of the kids had other ideas. It started with whining and talking. It became whistling. It developed into tapping with swearing,”Fuck you.” Belligerent refusal to stop, to move, to put the phone away, to complete the work, to stop talking. The phone continued to be out. I confiscated it. I confiscated the pen that was used for the tapping. The child started arguing, loudly proclaiming that they weren’t going to follow my instructions until I gave them the phone back. They then started bullying other kids, pushing the buttons of a student they knew would freak out and react; he didn’t too much because he respects me. The child just kept going and going and going. They were removed by the Head Teacher. 

During Assembly, I politely asked a student if they were in the right line and I copped another mouthful, and when she finished her friend started. I was polite and just doing my job. 

Next two periods and playground duty were fine. 

Last period, the child from the morning banged on the classroom door as I was settling my class. The child then went to the windows, smiling and laughing, raised the middle finger to me and called out, “Fuck you”, “dickhead” and “arsehole.” 

Yep. I just wanted to curl up and bawl. This isn’t the life I want. This isn’t the world I want. 

Were there positives? Sure. A student who usually won’t do anything for me was so mortified that someone (except her) could treat me so badly so worked exceptionally during the lesson. I thanked her. The small windows we get. 

Teachers are leaving because we aren’t validated by our employers and their representatives. My Head Teacher applied for a formal caution. She received it. But I think the Deputy and the Principal should have suspended the child. For three out of the five periods she belittled me. 

I don’t deserve this. 

I left work feeling like a failure, mentally modifying the work that was left to try to mix things up for the kids, to try to engage this child. 

It isn’t right. Kids have license to abuse at least one staff member before they learn that their behaviour is unacceptable. 

And I’ll keep seeing the articles, Teachers leaving the profession, and reading everyone’s shock. Really? Kids have changed and as their behaviour has become worse, Principals and the Department have become softer. 

We need to look after the child’s welfare.

Sure. But who is looking after the teachers? 

I had to see a friend to debrief so I could come home relieved of pain. I’m now taking time out of my life to process it a bit more. And I’m exhausted. My plans for tonight will go by the wayside; my energy is depleted from staying calm and being professional whilst abuse was hurled at me repeatedly. 

Seriously. 

Goodbye teaching. We will be parting ways very soon. You have changed. It is you. And it is me; I know I’m worth more than this, and my life and the people in it deserve better than this. 

I did forget someone 

I forgot to forgive someone. Probably the most important someone. I forgot to forgive … 

me. 

It was only after repeating a removing obstacles to abundance mantra that it clicked. I have never forgiven me. Not in all of these years. 

Wow. 

I have blown my own mind. I have forgiven everyone except for myself. I have moved mountains to forgive all who have trespassed against me but I have never consciously forgiven me. 

So, right now, as I am standing in my power, I say …

Tina, I forgive YOU. 

I forgive you for hating yourself when you didn’t remember. I forgive you for the harm that you caused your self and your body. I forgive the cutting that you used to release the burdening pain inside; the screams that couldn’t be vocalised when you just wanted it all to stop and everything to go away. I forgive you for wanting to run away so many times during your life. I forgive you for wanting to suicide and for going as far as planning your own death. I forgive you for the sedation of your emotion through food. I forgive you for your experimentation with drugs, trying to dull the pain if not obliterate it entirely. I forgive you for the meaningless sex. I forgive you for sabotaging so many relationships. I forgive you for thinking you were unworthy for so many years. I forgive you for not realising just how beautiful and how amazing you truly are. I forgive you for not always fighting when you should have. I forgive you for the wrongs you have committed against others, for the blame and the hurt you have inflicted. I forgive you for not taking opportunities when they were presented because you were scared. I forgive you for not always being honest. I forgive you for not always being your best, for not always standing in your power, and for not always showing compassion when you could have. I forgive you your shadow self; for killing the spider and enjoying it, for willing harm to others, for struggling to forgive the liars that caused your reputation to be sullied. I forgive you for not defending those that couldn’t defend themselves, for not stepping in to altercations because you felt peer pressured to not get involved. I forgive you for not being quite ready to forgive the most recent liars. I forgive you for the evil streak that resides in your soul, the part that likes to swear out loud. I forgive you for biting your nails, for feeling anxious, for feeling alone. I forgive you for your depressions, your pain, your bitterness, your anger. 

I forgive it all. 

You are worthy. You have turned obstacles into opportunities. You give unconditionally. You love, almost unconditionally. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are strong. You are open. You are wise. You are resilient. You are … 

love. 

Forgiveness

I need to forgive someone from my childhood, a male, that I knew before I was fourteen. I’m just not sure who. If it is someone I have already forgiven, then I need to manifest the forgiveness in the physical world and not just in my mind. So, this is it. 

I am grateful for every experience in my life, good and bad, because they have lead me here. I am grateful to every person that has been a part of each experience, because they have brought me here. 

I believe that I chose my life’s lessons prior to my birth. I believe that we all do. We are here to learn and to grow towards enlightenment and lightness of being. We are here to transcend the physical planes of existence. To do that, we must experience and we must learn. 

My childhood was traumatic. As a result of the trauma, I have compartmentalised and boxed away a lot of memories. I saw a lot of violence. I heard a lot of violence. I received violence. Physical, emotional and sexual. I was easy prey; the oldest of three girls born in a time when men believed, still, that women were property and children were toys. 

I forgive those that perpetrated the violence. I forgive them because I understand that I chose those experiences. I wanted to learn what it was like to be a child victim, and I wanted to survive it and create a beautiful life for myself. I wanted to heal so that I could shine a light for others. 

I forgive the perpetrators because they were doing as I requested, so that I could learn and benefit. I forgive them because I also volunteered to be the victim for them to be able to learn their lessons. I pray that they have. 

And I forgive them because I am whole and I am happy. My life is open and my life is full. I am a successful businesswoman. I am a successful teacher. I am a successful writer. I am a successful healer. I am a successful friend, daughter, mother, aunt, sister, and every other label I choose to wear. I am a traveller, in this world and through many others. I read, I love, I learn, I do. 

So, to all of those that have wronged me, I say thank you. I forgive your unkindness, your brutality, you. Yes, I forgive you. 

And I acknowledge that I lost the ability to mother my own child, to have successful and healthy intimate relationships, to trust unconditionally, to not feel betrayal. But I also acknowledge, that in the light of day, I have gained more than I have lost. 

For I have been a mother many times already, I have married the love of my life in many lifetimes, I have trusted, I trust again, and I feel blessed, honoured and loved by the universal mother and father. This life continues to offer me riches and incredibly beautiful people to share my riches with. 

I forgive all who have ‘wronged’ me, and I say thank you to them for enabling and empowering the creation of this moment in time. Which is perfect. 

🙏🏻

Learning our lessons is a process, frustratingly …

Without balance, life is not full. 

Unfortunately, this means that without sadness we cannot wholly appreciate happiness; without pain and illness, we do not appreciate health; without anger and turmoil, we cannot appreciate calm and peace. 

We are, after all, just human. 

I always appreciate riding the wave of happiness, peace and love because inevitably, there are times when my energy is not as high. This is normal and vital to overall health because it is in the low times that I take the time to recharge my energy by focusing on me. 

What I have become better at is feeling the early signs that my energy is depleted. Like today. I wake up soul tired. I like vegetating. I like giving to me. Doing the things I need to, to restore balance. It is like reconnecting to the main power source when the battery has run down. 

And it is okay. For all of us. 

Someone shared with me that they believe that some of my extra weight does not belong to me. I have taken it on when I have given to the point of running on empty. It is interesting psychologically. In logical terms, running on empty in stressful situations increases cortisol in the body which keeps weight in the belly. 

For years, I gave and gave and gave in stressful situations, ignoring my low energy because I did not value my own self enough to give to me too. A lesson I am still learning today. Also okay. Learning is a process and our skills become stronger as we continue to practise what we have learned before building on the foundation. 

I say this, not because I need to write it down but because there are many people, beautiful and strong people in my life, who are feeling a little depleted at the moment. And I love them. 

We are all human and our lives follow the rhythm of the waves; there are peaks and there are troughs. Ultimately though, the ocean is refreshing and revitalising. It provides a deep soul cleansing and prepares us for all that is coming, in all of its power. I think I’ve changed metaphors there lol. Oopsy. 

Anyway, I write this whilst riding the crest of a wave on Sunday and I love it. It is about the nature of healing and healers … 

As healers we do not possess special tricks. We have merely remembered how to listen to, mirror and communicate with the souls of others. And through this remembering, we empower and enable others to reconnect with their own souls. This is where real healing takes place. It requires trust. Of self, of soul, of others, of universe. We connect to all that has been, all that is, and all that will be through love. We raise the vibration of individuals, communities, the planet and the universe. 

We reprogram the grid. 

We create magick. 

We create connection and foster community. 
And we start with the self. 

Namaste 🙏🏻

Stuff 

I am happy. 

All pain is temporary. All suffering is temporary. Happiness, too. But the more you work through the themes that bring you pain and suffering, the longer the happy periods last, and the sooner you return to balance or neutrality. 

I am happy. 

My eyes, heart and mind are open. I hear the call of the birds outside, the whoosh of the cars whizzing past and the beating of the bird’s wings. I am not alone. I exist and breathe in many dimensions and in many galaxies all at the same time. 

I am happy. 

I control my life. This life. Healing, love, mantra, intention; the elixirs for my soul wounds. Wounds that become smaller each day; transforming into universal healing energy and being released into the cosmos to empower others to find the same peace. 

I am happy. 

I am connected. A child of the divine; the divine itself. I am peace. I am love. I am health. I am free. I am a witch, a healer, a teacher. 

I am happy. 

Just when you thought it couldn’t get crazier

I really don’t know where to start or what to say. It all almost feels too sacred for words. 

In terms of connection and growth, this experience here in Katoomba is so similar to India, and because of India and the gratitude I still hold for that experience and the beautiful people I met and still love intensely, I think I was more open to deep connection here. 

I woke this morning, standing firmly in my power, after waking myself up from a dream in which I was about to be shot for defending a woman being assaulted in the streets. I was filled with pure light, love and unadulterated joy. Yesterday was such a gift. Waking up to another day and it’s potential was almost too much happiness for my soul. 

Communication started with the girls early and excitedly we all met early at the YHA. Just to be in each other’s space. Addiction alert, yes. But our time together physically is short. So we live a lifetime in a few days. Four more diverse women you could never find but man, the connections between our hearts and souls are strong. 

Gongs and drumming today. Back to the womb and to the earth. More meditations and healing. And today for me, past life regression. And validation from the beautiful soul drumming over me when she told me what she saw before I told her. And later, validated a past life marriage between myself and one of the girls. That would explain our strong connection; we have also identified a connection in Atlantis and galactically. Just for starters. 

Then The Three Sisters with a few more of the soul tribe, followed by a coffee where we met up with some of the boys and A. Strong warm binding hugs today. Lots of love pouring forth from everyone. One of the facilitators said there has never been a group like ours before; we aren’t surprised. We were called.

Man, if you receive a calling, a strong feeling that you should do something, even if it terrifies you, and won’t cause you harm, do it. Just find the twenty seconds of courage to say yes and do it. Every time I have, I have landed in amazing places with incredibly wonderful amazing perfect people for me and loved the growth that resulted. It is scary stepping out of what we know but the rewards are equally intense. 

I gift you with the courage. You are enough. You are worthy. And I so want everyone to experience embrace and feel what I am repeatedly being gifted with in my life. 
Namaste beautiful friends, namaste 🙏🏻