I had a really bad day today. Kids swearing, disrespect to me and to one another, no desire to learn, kids enabled by parents and society; I have no patience. However, I am finishing the day with a smile, and a heart full of love and gratitude.
I no longer hold any desire to be a full time teacher in any school. My passion has been eroded. Yes, passionate me is a loss from public education; however, this me is not. I am grateful that I know my time is up, and that I am getting out. But this is not what filled my heart.
I have built a business. I have over twenty clients now. I adore them. I love working with them. I love the teaching. I love the potential of my life, it’s openness and freedom and unknown.
I have a vision for my life, focusing on how I want to feel. Today was not it. And today was a normal bad day for a teacher in a school in a disadvantaged area. This afternoon, when I started tutoring, that was the feeling I want. Peace, tranquility, fulfillment.
You know, I thought I’d end up back at my school by now. I underestimated how I was feeling last year. I underestimated the extent of the betrayal that I felt. I also underestimated my anger at and with the system.
I love the kids. Always will. I saw a few of my Year 10 boys from last year this afternoon at the Library and I got so excited to talk to them. I miss them.
But not the rest of it; just the kids.
Grateful and blessed. Blessed that I am resilient and have courage. Grateful that I have the means to create a different life.
Thank you ff.