It’s time. 

I had a really bad day today. Kids swearing, disrespect to me and to one another, no desire to learn, kids enabled by parents and society; I have no patience. However, I am finishing the day with a smile, and a heart full of love and gratitude. 

I no longer hold any desire to be a full time teacher in any school. My passion has been eroded. Yes, passionate me is a loss from public education; however, this me is not. I am grateful that I know my time is up, and that I am getting out. But this is not what filled my heart. 

I have built a business. I have over twenty clients now. I adore them. I love working with them. I love the teaching. I love the potential of my life, it’s openness and freedom and unknown. 

I have a vision for my life, focusing on how I want to feel. Today was not it. And today was a normal bad day for a teacher in a school in a disadvantaged area. This afternoon, when I started tutoring, that was the feeling I want. Peace, tranquility, fulfillment. 

You know, I thought I’d end up back at my school by now. I underestimated how I was feeling last year. I underestimated the extent of the betrayal that I felt. I also underestimated my anger at and with the system. 

I love the kids. Always will. I saw a few of my Year 10 boys from last year this afternoon at the Library and I got so excited to talk to them. I miss them. 

But not the rest of it; just the kids. 

Grateful and blessed. Blessed that I am resilient and have courage. Grateful that I have the means to create a different life. 

Thank you ff. 

A Dietician 

I’ve never seen a dietician before. As part of my health care plan to manage the diabetes (and reverse it), my doctor referred me to a local dietician. 

I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t what I got. She was lovely (and I know that shouldn’t surprise me, Tan), non-judgemental and realistic in her goals for me. She also gave plenty of advice about how I could start to meet them. 

I have no problem seeing her again, unlike the exercise physiologist. 

Also, since my D&C/hysteroscapy surgery five weeks ago, I have lost eight kilograms. 

Interesting times. I’m going to postpone the weight loss surgery and see if I can do this, at least partially, on my own through diet and reprogramming my grid. 

The Secrets to a Happy Life 

1. Don’t ignore the hard work. If you are sad, work out why. Talk to people about it. Write about it. Paint it. Do something with it. Get it out.

2. Put your needs first when you need to. Do not feel guilty about this. You can’t serve others if you are depleted. You are important too. 

3. Serve. Give back. Be compassionate. Give. 

4. Practice gratitude. Find the small things in every day that give you something. Memorialise these things somehow, somewhere. Be open. 

5. Embrace opportunities. Say yes, even if you want to say no. Try new things. Learn new things. Don’t be stagnant. Go to different places. Explore. Try. Yes. 

6. Get out into the natural world as often as you can. Be still. Close your eyes. Feel the sun or the wind or the rain. Be quiet. Just be. Deep breaths. Feel the spirit coursing through everything, including you. Walk barefoot. Hug a tree. Have your hands out, palms facing. 

Peeling Back The Layers 

It has always frustrated me that I can’t lose the extra weight I carry. I assumed that I had resolved my core issue that resulted in the extra padding/weight/protection. I have forgiven my ‘abusers’ and have created a loving, full and blessed life. So, why does the weight stay? 

And, no. It isn’t as easy as exercise and diet. I’ve done those things and get to a point and nothing more. It’s not as simple as that. My body is holding on to something more … something is not resolved and it keeps me holding on to the weight. 

My healing sessions with N and S in Minnesota have enabled me to pull some layers back and I think I’ve worked it out. 

Yes, I’ve resolved the abuse, most of it. But the root effect of the abuse, of the trauma, of all of those childhood experiences, and the lesson that keeps being presented to me in a myriad of guises, my whole adult life, focuses on betrayal

One word. It is my lesson. Resolving this will be a process. The first step is acknowledging it. I have sat with this word for over a week now (yes, it’s taken that long for the first step). I have thought about the different times that I have felt betrayed. I have been collecting them. 

I need to go back into each of them. I need to feel the pain of each incident again. And then I need to rewrite those scripts. And then I need to send each one away from me, creatively. Another book idea?! Crikeys. 

Maybe. 

Maybe not. 

I feel very empowered. I feel that I am in ownership (how deluded is that lol) of my choices and of my life. I am no longer a complete pawn in this game. I have the power to change the way I see the world, my world. 

I also know that without taking this year away from my classroom, this growth would not have been empowered. I would not have taken the time to heal me. The investigation rocked me completely but was also so necessary for me to heed the signs that I wasn’t living authentically any more. My life has been ready to evolve for a long time; I just wasn’t brave enough to trust that I would be okay. 

Watch this space if you’re interested in this healing journey. 

Part Three of Three

And so, after four nights with L I left Minnesota. And a part of my heart was left with my two friends, and many new friends. Minnesotans are beautiful people with gorgeous accents; everyone was so friendly. Minnesota is an undervalued resource in US tourism. 

Apart from a groin anomaly resulting in a serious pat down when I went through airport security, leaving was physically easy. Emotionally – meh. 

After S’s session the day before and my couple of sessions with N, inspiration hit like a tidal wave on the way to Las Vegas, and I was able to brainstorm a healing routine for reprogramming our personal grids. I will apply it to myself and a couple of friends before using it with others but I think I’m onto a winner. Watch this space 😉

Arriving in Las Vegas at 9.30 in the morning was an experience. The airport is massive and requires walking through slot machines to get to the tram that takes you to your baggage carousel. I grinned the entirety. I imagine after arriving the first time, the airport experience would lose its magick. 

I organized a shuttle to the hotel as well as my return trip. Too easy. My first glimpse of the hotel was exciting. And my room was ready. I checked in easily and fast. New York New York is the hotel to stay at for a mid range traveller. Everything is there or close to it. 

I unpacked my bags and went downstairs for food before returning to Jerry Springer. I love Jerry. So sad that he no longer screens on Australian TV. I also love Steve and was happy to follow Jerry with his show. Then Maury. Lol. 

I ran into the bride and groom in the hotel later that day. I didn’t realize how overwhelmed I was with the change in tone between where I had come from and Las Vegas until I spewed negativity onto N and A. I had been so excited to see them too – way to greet them. Still shaking my head in disbelief. Needless to say, it was a very early night for Tina. 

Tattoo Day started with breakfast and a change in Tina’s attitude for the bride and groom. N, god bless her soul, recalled how overwhelming her first day in Las Vegas had been and was very forgiving. And then it was time to go to Pussykat Tattoo Parlour to meet Riley and receive our new tattoos. Exciting. Beyond exciting. An amazing experience. 


Shopping and lunch with N, our now characteristic frivolity followed by moments of intense conversation, a night out with the girls and Wedding Day arrived. 

I was just so excited to be there and to be part of it, the day just flew. I was feeling ill so napped for a chunk of it before getting ready and going to N’s room to assist her and her now SIL (and my new bestie hehe). 

A wonderful ceremony, so much fun and if I ever get married, Elvis in Las Vegas will be the way to go. Photos at the Neon Light Museum and dinner at the Peppermill. On the way back to the hotel, our driver drove past the Bellagio fountain works – amazing. I understood then, if we are supposed to experience things in life the opportunity will present itself. Be open and be receptive and say yes and all will be fine. 

A wonderful but late night, especially with a 5am start for me on Friday for my trip to the Grand Canyon. 

Which was amazing. A stop at Hoover Dam, lunch in Tuseyan and the afternoon at the Grand Canyon. Photos do not do the experience justice and I’m quite sure words won’t come close either. 

I could feel the Canyon throbbing, hear the ancestral voices buzzing, and sense the power, spiritual and physical, soaring through the Canyon. So many people but small spots where I could just soak it in. I was so grateful that I had booked this. So grateful to experience it. So blessed to have worked hard to be there. And so humbled by the awareness that us humans are the smallest (yet most destructive) cogs in the machine that is the universe. 

Wow. 


I am always in a state of learning. I learn from everything and every place. I think this is why travel and exploration are so important to me. The experiences inspire and enable learning. 

Las Vegas, which I did fall in love with, offered me very valuable lessons. 

1. Always search beyond the surface because magick exists everywhere. 

2. Liking something is a choice. 

3. Every place offers connection, we just need to be open to it. 

4. I am one of the luckiest people alive to live the life that I am living. This gap year/mid life crisis was scary but necessary. I never expected it would be such an amazing journey so quickly. 

And then, time to leave. I flew to LAX from Las Vegas, picking up random people along the way, exchanging emails, and preparing for the long flight ahead. 

On the way to the US I had three seats to myself. I was too something within myself to make the most of this. On the way home though, when faced with three seats, I lay down and slept a little. I owned the gift the universe provided without reservation and with honour. I am deserving of good things. It is more than okay to receive. And I choose for my existence to continue to be blessed. 

Bring on the next forty years of this life. 

Oh, and as we traversed Route 66 on the way to the Canyon, I knew I would be back, within five years, to road trip it. Not my dream but a friend’s, and one that I will help her realise. 

Bring on the planning I say. 

Part Two of Three

Straight after my final massage with Nancie, L picked me up. It was bittersweet: excited to see her but very sad to leave M. I ran back in to see if she was available for one last hug and some tears but she had a client with her. 😢

I left a note on her windshield. Goodbyes are hard. But I am so grateful for the time we shared. I was able to reflect on my business and contemplate ways forward for generating income that would empower me to do the work I really wanted to be doing. 

I jumped in L’s car. She said she needed five minutes to run her plans by me and then organise herself. She had been invited to a retreat in Grand Rapids for the weekend; a collective of women healers and alternatives. 

Did I want to go? 

As I had said to M, I’m here to be in your space and whatever that involves is fine by me. So, we went. 

M and L had mentioned retreats they had been on with S in Peru. They adored her. This terrified me: what if S didn’t like me? I jumped anyway. When opportunities present, it is always healthier to say yes if no harm to others or self is involved. 

Oh.My.God. 

A beautiful and magickal place, amazing women, and an incredible weekend. 

We bought some supplies to take, L organised her family, and we were off. We only stopped near a lake to eat some lunch and arrived sometime that night; the sun wasn’t setting until around 9. Such beautiful long days. 

We met everyone. I expressed my love for the Minnesotan accent. I was dressed up as Fargo and practiced the voice. I was entertaining; such a difficult accent to emulate. Eventually a campfire was lit, dinner prepared and S’mores made. Sweet. Way too sweet. One bite is more than enough. Delicious but sweet. 

The neighbours came over and I spoke with them. This shy creature really no longer exists. A few nerves before meeting people but I have worked out that I’m more than okay on my own if it comes to it so I’m okay full stop. Rain drops started to fall and we packed up to move inside. 

S and a couple of others stayed outside to move the weather. Rain had been forecast for the entire weekend and that wouldn’t suit the plans. I did not fully understand what moving the weather meant, but I do know that the weekend was sunny and hot, and rain didn’t rear its head again. These were magickal folk. Intimidated much, Tina. 

And one of my first lessons. Humility. I have so much to learn about the world and the universe, and I need to trust that I can. And it’s not all book learning. I need to put myself out there to see what works and what fails. M has shown divine courage doing it with her business ventures. I need to do the same. 

We sang karaoke inside and we laughed until like 3.30 in the morning. Singing with fly swatters and wooden spoons as microphones. Then falling into bed. Saturday rose very hot and peaceful. 

Time for ritual and group healing. I hadn’t had much time with S at this point, intimidated, a very normal person with palpitating power. These women all believed in their strengths and abilities, and as a group, supported each other’s development. It was amazing to be a part of this, to witness this. 

I won’t go into much detail about the healing; however, for me, the experience enabled me to see colours and visualise the colours weaving through each person tapping into what they most needed from me, as the channel for the energy. For my own healing, I needed to remove the blocks to receiving; the thing I have been working most on in my own life. I can give but I struggle to receive gracefully. I am better after this trip . 

The neighbour took a few of us on his boat around the lake. Blissful. And his way of contributing to the group energy that he received. Exchanges of love, in its purest form. 

Another fire, no rain. Some of the women had brought paranormal equipment to ‘play’ with. Most of you know that I am open to the spirit realm, and have talked to and channelled spirit at times, but also that I cut it off out of fear too. I also believe in Santa, without reservation. And in the faerie folk. I have always been open to the presence of other creatures or aliens, and some of you will recall that I was activated earlier this year. 

So, when L suggested that we look out for space craft flying through the sky after she and S had seen one, I was open to the experience and to learning. 

Oh.My.God. 

S and I were going to bed at the same time. We started to chat. She works at night after we all go to sleep, every night. She reprograms grids, aka changing the world patterns through healing. S does this on a massive scale. We talked about the macro and the micro of healing. This conversation carried into the next day after we all arose and went into the woods. 

I could feel my mind opening well before I tapped into S’s head. When you know someone is a great healer and they ask you to lay hands on their head, there is no experience more intimidating and humbling. I described what I had seen the day before by way of colours on S, and she validated what I had seen. I felt the need to tap on her head, and she validated and explained this. Full stop, she validated me as healer. My mind was opening. 

Time to leave, begrudgingly. 

I had a mentoring session booked with S on the following day but beyond that, it was goodbye. 

I had experienced weeping and sore eyes all weekend. I didn’t know why but understood on some level that my eyes were adjusting to something. And I trusted this. 

L followed the same route out that we had followed in. It didn’t look the same to me. I quizzed her. She asked me to describe what I was seeing. Brightness. Vivid colours, clear shades of colour within that. Everything was clearer. The brightness hurt my eyes and I needed to wear sunglasses to mute it. 

L laughed, “Welcome to the fifth dimension.” 

Shocked. And then, after we arrived at her home, and I met the pups and chatted with her partner, I googled. And yes, fifth dimension as well as some sixth dimension stuff. 

Wow. 

My session with S was “there are no words”. My life has been transformed wholly by this trip to Minnesota. My life will manifest everything that I learned and gained. It was phenomenal. I wholly love these people. 

But beyond this, I consolidated my tribal relationships with both M and L, as well as adding a few more. These people have become my second home, outside of Australia. It was harder leaving both M and L this time than it originally had been in India. 

Meh. I’m still struggling to be parted from them. And from MM in Fremantle. I understand we have our own work to do but I wish they were all closer. Thank god for technological advancements. 

In time, I’m sure I will say more about this part of my trip but for now, I am holding Minnesota close to my heart. 

Part One of Three

These days I’m always nervous before travel. Initially I put it down to the instability in the world but by the end of my trips, I always realise that parts of me change beyond belief when I travel and my nerves are about that realisation. 

I flew out from Sydney’s Kingsford Smith Airport on the twins’ birthday, 29th May. I always arrive too early but am grateful because it provides time to settle my nerves. And realistically, waiting is part of flying. I had breakfast and spoke to my sister about ordinary things. 

The flight was not full and I had three seats to myself. It was the same on the way back. My transformation marked by how I handled this. On the way to the US I was nervous about the three seats, feeling undeserving, singled out, what was wrong with me that no one wants to sit by me – all of that garbage so I barely spread into two seats – on the way back, I owned all three and actually slept, sprawled over all three seats. Victory. Small behavioural changes that indicate the extent of the growth. 

I struggled to blog whilst I was away this time. The experiences required some serious processing. I feel so blessed. To be able to travel, to meet new people, engage in new experiences, to love, to be open, to be me. This year is truly becoming a charmed year. 

My first stop was with M and her family. I would spend three days and four nights with them before moving to L, where I would spend three days and four nights before moving to Las Vegas for the same amount of time. Three markedly different stops. All amazing. 

It is rare for me to feel so welcome so fast anywhere. However, as I open to new experiences and select more carefully how and where I spend my time, this is becoming increasingly normal for me. M’s son had been perfecting his Australianisms; I don’t think I heard his actual voice until Tuesday. D had already decided that we would become firm friends, and so we are. M’s daughter was quieter with me, on the brink of adolescence, but so forthcoming in conversation that I felt accepted by her too. M’s husband, an amazing man, possesses a pure soul very much like my older male friends at home, friends I call family. Maybe this is why I feel so comfortable so quickly. I’ve just expanded my extended family overseas. And M and J’s dogs, treated like mine, no comment required. Instant love. 

M had organised a therapeutic massage for me whilst she saw clients on the Tuesday morning. 

OMG! I expected the type of massage I seek out at home. Just a massage. Knots being untied and liberation by the end. This was all of that and more. The impact, long term, has been phenomenal. 

Within seconds of entering the rooms I felt at home. This is what I envisage my wellness clinic could look like. I took a photo of the door, with permission, as the symbol for it. Within seconds of meeting Nancie, I felt a profound connection. Another of my tribe. Unbeknownst to me, she wasn’t going to be the only one. Incredibly powerful women and healers would become the norm for my first two stops in Minnesota. 

The massage itself, well, for parts of it I was out but conscious I was snoring, and the parts that I was wholly in for, there are no adequate words. I felt blocks start to loosen. I could see my future wellbeing manifested. I felt whole in a way I never have before. Crystals, oils, reiki, massage, Nancie: all that is required to initiate massive transformation. As a client, it was phenomenal; as a healer, it was awe inspiring. I booked in for the Friday to consolidate some of the loosening that had commenced. 

I met M in India last year. I loved her instantly and by the end of India, as you know, I felt that I had met my tribe. Sustaining those connections would always be difficult due to distance and the realities of everyday living. And also, sometimes on holiday, connections are forged that are simply for a reason. I was a little nervous that these Minnesotan connections would just be for a reason. I shouldn’t have been. 

M and I are twin souls. We connect and flow so fluently that time and place are of no consequence. I feel that I know her, and have known her, for many many lifetimes. Conversation just flows and if there is a pause, it offers time for reflection. This friendship, a limiting word, is permanent. 

In fact, this trip offered many moments and experiences that words are not adequate to describe them; an interesting thing for a writer to realise the limitations of their craft. 

We had lunch, we went to Duluth, sat on Lake Superior, we imagined her wellness clinic on her newly acquired land, we talked, really talked, we watched left wing news, we hung out with her MIL, sister and friends, we boated the St Croix River, I had Dairy Queen, cheese curds, got my toe nails done, saw St Paul’s cathedral, grand mansions (slight tautology there but necessary to emphasise the grandness – wish I had money), and just were. 

My massage experience with Nancie was repeated on Friday, and was just as powerful and magickal as the first. I left feeling open and vital. When Nancie comes to Australia, you need to book in. Words do no justice to the power of the experience. 

I felt a genuine loss as I packed up to move to my next stop. I cried. It hurt to leave M and L in India. It hurt more this time. Our friendship transcends time and place, but I wish I could just pop over for a chat or to hang or to travel, and due to distance, this isn’t possible. I have found a second home in the US. Weird for someone who never wanted to travel there outside of NYC. We should never say never, the universe pranks us when we do to emphasise our folly in limiting our experiences. 

I love Minnesota. I love the accents. I could sit and listen to Minnesotans speak all day every day. And the people are just divine: welcoming, warm, genuinely nice. 

An amazing start to an amazing trip. 

Eagle Soaring

There are three bald eagles living here. They live in a variety of birch trees throughout the woods surrounding the lake. Every morning one sits in a tree just down from us and scrutinises the lake. 

I was sitting on the dock this morning watching it. Suzanne and Lynn were with me. We were talking about other worlds. 

I am feeling very zen. I have for a few months now. Occasionally I have anxiety over money but I acknowledge it and turn my energy towards manifesting it. There are more clients than I can handle on my own. I might expand sooner rather than later. 

We went walking through the adjoining woods towards the eagle’s tree. Peace. Quiet. Life. 

There is a strong wind today. Rain had been forecast. Apart from Friday night there has been no sign. Perfect days following perfect nights.

Yesterday was about healing. All of us here are healers in some form. Nine witches; ten when next door’s Lyn pops in. We each sat in the centre of the larger group. I was so reluctant to receive; this is the thing I am currently working on. 

I had two therapeutic massages during the week. They were incredible experiences; healing that filled and realigned my chakras. My solar plexus chakra was larger than it should be, forcing my heart chakra to decrease in size. Whilst it was in perfect function, it couldn’t expand. I feel that that has been corrected. 

Coming to the cabin was exactly what was required. Silence and stillness to restore my equilibrium. 

And so we went to the woods. I am sure that the faerie folk spoke to me. Cheeky smiles and winks beckoning me forward. 

When I came back and sat on the dock, the eagle was soaring. The tide is higher and so I stood. A long car trip in a wet dress – too zen for me 😉. I am sure that the eagle spoke to me. Yes, this trip, an innocent catch up with friends and a wedding, is turning out to be a turning point. 

A massive shift is occurring for me. If I remain open, life will continue to transform. I am continually reminded that each of our lives is filled with great potential, if we allow it. I am reminded that the difference between happiness and sadness, and any other binary opposition, is a single choice. We are all powerful beyond measure and exist as part of a much larger system. 

We are so blessed to live at a time of huge transition for our world, as we know it. We, together, can create the next one. 

Beauty. 

Grand Rapids, Minnesota

This is what I am sitting in, immersing myself in, breathing in. No words. Quiet reflection. Deep stillness. Just being. 
Lynn was invited to a friend’s cabin for the weekend with other women; a witch retreat if you will. Everyone here is a healer and/or lightworker in some fashion. 

It’s very quiet. My heart and mind are still. My being wholly in the moment is coming easier and more organically. I have just sat for hours now. Chatting when it arises, being when there is no chat. It’s warm, my skin is pinkening, and there is an increasingly strong breeze. Just shifting the energies, clearing out the debris, all that no longer serves. 

I really am no longer shy. The odd moment of anxiety but I breathe through it, acknowledge it and then slip into trust. It feels very liberating. 

Time out is such a precious gift to give to the soul; living in it and manifesting a life that is always balanced is the rarest, most vital gift. 

Take some time to be outside today. Close your eyes and notice what you hear and feel. What do you see. Acknowledge your thoughts as you continue to breathe – deeply. Just be. Try to stay there for five minutes. Record how you feel after. I’ll bet it changes your day. 

🙏🏻🦋

Connections 

Life is an amazing trip; unexpected twists and turns take us to unexpected places. I remember when I was younger, vowing I would never travel to America because it’s international press was very unflattering. I can be so ignorant at times. 

I loved New York for its underlying magick and pulse. I love Minnesota for its people and beautiful environment. Everything is so green, clean and fresh. 

This is a place I never would have visited if not for India, and meeting Michele and Lynn. This is an experience that would never have been had.

I am so grateful that it has been. 

What a charmed life this girl from Campbelltown is living. People have often told me that my choice to take leave and try other things took courage. For me, at the time, I felt it differently. If I didn’t change something my soul would have died. My life was no longer serving me, and probably hadn’t been for a long time. 

Today, sitting outside Target in Woodbury, Minnesota, a warm summer day with a beautiful clean breeze blowing, having packed my cases in Michele’s car, waiting for a massage and then to Lynn’s for a few days, I understand the courage. 

Every day requires courage to live fully. It might be easier to adhere to the status quo and live an ordinary life, but it is not easy nor rewarding or fulfilling. 

I love the turns my life is taking. I love that my heart is open and willing to form these incredibly strong connections with people. I love that my life, and I, am not ordinary. 

I really don’t know where I’m going. It is somewhat liberating. I have ideas. I’m trying them out. I’m open. 

I do know that I don’t want to move backwards. Life is too rich to live it in a cage. There is so much to see, to do, to experience to be a prisoner to responsibility and routine. Work is important; it pays the bills and enables life. But work cannot be all that there is, and for so long, for me, it has been. I do live my life in fear sometimes but increasingly less so now. I am grateful for the small bursts of courage that empower me to book tickets and do differently.

This year I have snorkelled, I have visited different places, I have reconnected with important people, I am studying, I am writing, I am businessing, and I drove a boat yesterday. 

I am doing. And I am zen. I feel a peace and fulfilment and ability to be wholly present in the moment most of the time. The rewards of courage and connection. 

Today, I urge you, try something different, do something different, something small even, and see where it takes you … 

we all deserve this. 

💕🦋🇺🇸