Life contains very unexpected moments, not always good.
I won’t go into detail (people can be sensitive) but I have experienced irregular bleeding for close to five months. It seems to have settled a bit now.
I went to the doctor. The bleeding went on the back burner so that we could manage the diabetes and blood pressure. We started on the bleeding yesterday. A couple of jokes about the certainty that I am not pregnant (last time I had something similar it was the result of a miscarriage) and then his research.
It could be caused by a polyp or fibroid (hopefully one of these) or, more disturbingly at my age, it could be uterine, endometrial or cervical cancer. I need to go and have an internal ultrasound and a couple of other things.
And, I will.
I updated my family. Not over reacting but conscious that this year seems to really be a turning point for me in this life.
Life is short. Even if we live into our nineties, in the broader context of humanity, one life time isn’t an overly long time.
I wasn’t going to post about this yet because it isn’t anything yet; it might become something but in this present moment, it has not filled that potential (and hopefully won’t). However, I slept badly and woke up a little tired and then let my ego take over for a few minutes as I reflected on my work status.
I know that if I continue to fail to pick up work I can just speak to my Principal and go back to my substantive position. I’m not ready to do that just yet, but if I have to, I can.
What then hit me, is that so many people play games with the lives and emotions of others. And I’m a tad tired by it.
For the most part I live my life with integrity and what you see is what you get. I try hard not to visit pettiness or ego or emotionally driven responses on anyone other than my circle (I am only human after all). Before I commit responses in writing or verbally I try to talk sense and logic to myself so that my response is appropriately measured. And I try to see things from the other side. I also try to serve others by being present for them, not always successfully.
I have launched some business promotions on Facebook. Yesterday morning a man wrote some horrible things about me under the post (I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me) because he didn’t want to read my boosted post in his Newsfeed.
As a business person, I know that perceptions count – I deleted his comments. I thought about replying in a positive way, and then I thought about messaging him to apologize and to explain how he could turn that feature off, but after thought I decided that I didn’t want to engage with his negativity, even though it stung a little.
After all, I’m just a girl, standing here, trying to create something beautiful 😜.
This morning, after not much sleep, I recalled hearing that some people at my old workplace have been saying some nasty things about me (I was told this ages ago, it only surfaced today because I’m tired and feeling a little sorry for myself hehe), coupled with the lies that were revealed post investigation, little communication from a lot of work people, and the lack of work situation (yep, because I won’t work in a school where I am abused too many times), I’m feeling raw.
And I just can’t post the glossy ideal moments of this gap year. That wouldn’t be real.
And I’m purging it so that I can own it as a small glitch in an otherwise blessed life. Twists and turns, my friends, twists and turns.
Life is short. This post will be too. An irony that I posted about negativity in a post about life being too short? Perhaps. But now that it is out, I can let it go and continue my day in a loving and peaceful way.
Life is short. We need to share the small things so that we don’t turn them into bigger things than they are.
Lesson noted, Tina.
Have a good one!