I snorkelled for the first time ever yesterday morning. Under the tutelage of a patient teacher, I discovered that if I just try, I can do.
I was scared. Scared leading up to it, scared starting but not scared once I understood. You will hear your breathing. It is a little hard to relax into the breathing. Don’t treat the flippers like an extension of your feet; treat them like an extension from your hips. Trust. The water, the apparatus, the teacher, the journey, yourself. Fear quickly moved to exhilaration. By the time I left the water, I was firmly in love with snorkelling and vowing to continue it when I get home.
I had to climb rocks to get in and out of the water. This too, scared me.
I am very overweight. Putting on swimmers and being in public is hard; I battle myself every time I do this. My love of the water overrides my low self-esteem/fear often. So, climbing over rocks with the potential to fall and look foolish was scary to me. My weight dictates my activities a little too much – first epiphany. Second epiphany – I fat shame myself all of the time. I didn’t realise this until I was swimming with the fish near the Omeo wreck.
Very sad that a forty five year old woman would do this to herself. Another layer of shame needs to be resolved. Owning the existence of the shame is the first step. And, yesterday I started to own it.
Third epiphany – I can be quite hard but it isn’t an organic state for me. My organic self is very soft hearted and hates hurting others and being hurt, regardless of how small the hurt may seem. I try to listen to my friends when they communicate with me and then to act on what I hear. However, I have also realised that sometimes I need to realise and accept that other people’s issues are not mine to resolve and the perceived/actual hurts stem from a deeper hitherto unresolved issue for them.
And that is okay.
Fourth epiphany – sitting in your truth and being authentic brings happy moments and laughter more often than not.
I met some wonderful people last night. I struggle publically to acknowledge that I am a writer because I write. And it humbles me when I hear that people read this blog; well, humbles and terrifies me.
Last night we celebrated my friend’s latest art installation at Bathers Beach, Fremantle. A beautiful lotus near the entrance to the beach. More hard work on a physical, intellectual and emotional level goes into manifesting creativity than our society gives credit for. I pay homage to Mel’s hard work and perseverance here. She is surrounded by some incredibly strong and inspiring women, on their own paths, forging their own destinies. It is so easy to put down our efforts and focus on what we aren’t rather than what we are, what we don’t have rather than what we do have, where we are instead of the potential of where we could be heading.
Twenty seconds of courage is all that is required to change our worlds. Twenty seconds to step out, taking the first movement towards reclaiming our own lives from whatever wounds hold us back. Twenty seconds.
What can you do today? Where do you want to be? What do you really want to be spending your time doing?
Ooh, some of the amazing women, standing in their truth, that I was blessed to spend time with last night … thank you!