I’m finally slowing down and feel more normal. I have let go of the stress of not working and am just letting it all be.
I will have enough money when I need it. I have already stopped spending for the sake of having something pretty and am considering every purchase – will it serve a need. It’s taken almost a whole month to get to this point of calm.
Transition is hard. Jumping is hard. Trusting is hard.
Letting go of control is somewhat liberating.
Yesterday was Saturday. When I work full time, come the weekend I am exhausted and just want to sleep. I end up sick and end up with more migraines. The body screaming to me that I’m not living the way that I am supposed to.
Yesterday I woke up, drove to Collaroy (a place I’ve never been to) and had lunch with A friend I made whilst in India. It was just perfect. I wasn’t tired. I was able to enjoy it. And I did work a little last week so it’s not like I’m in holiday mode.
I need to develop writing and meditation rituals, but for the most part I am achieving a sense of balance. I am making better food choices. I am going to bed at reasonable times. I am just living better.
The choice for a gap year felt right, right from the start, but my mind conjured up demons in the form of overthinking money, when I have always believed that money will always be there when you need it and that has never failed. A gap year sounds wonderful, and it is, but it is also the time that our demons confront us to battle.
It’s important to be patient, strategise and then slay those mot#*^ #*%~ers.