My Resolutions

Wow! Home. 

There is absolutely nothing to rival that feeling of flying over Sydney Harbour and seeing the Bridge and the Opera House, Anzac Bridge and Centrepoint. My soul smiles every time I fly home and see the harbour; the most beautiful city in the world, especially from the sky. It’s home. And a beautiful symbol of home. 

And then, I heard Australian accents, and saw people who looked like my cultural group. It’s such a bizarre feeling. For the last few days at least, I have been the only westerner I’ve had significant contact with. Bizarre to be surrounded by similar voices, similar appearances, similarities. 

I finished Jodi Picoult’s Small Great Things whilst I waited for my flight in Delhi Airport. I don’t know where I found the resolve to hold back so many tears. It was appropriate for me to read it in a place where I was a minority and not the dominant cultural group. A place where my white privilege didn’t really count for much in the way of belonging and acceptance. I do not know what it consistently feels like to be an outsider, but I’ve had a taste. It feels unsafe. And I have forced myself to confront my own racism, and my inappropriate and ignorant racist humour. Shame. 

Mum took a photo of me as I walked out of the gate. I had to laugh. I have gained and learned so much that I feel like I’ve been gone for months. And I was so intent on laughing, I didn’t see my sister. Phenomenal surprise and blessing. 

My ankle’s swelling is down but it is painful. I think it will be a visit to the doctor and an x-ray on Monday afternoon. 

My fur children were as excited to see me as I was them. Molly (my cat) slept enfolded in my arms all night. Max on the other side. Sammy let me sleep until 7. This is my home, my family, what counts. 

I have learned so much. I am still processing but there are some things I need to immortalise before reality attempts to defeat me šŸ˜‰. 

I really need to make time to do the things that bring me joy. This means work needs to be the thing that pays the bills. 

My mum said that I’ve lost weight. People said the same thing when I returned from NYC. It’s the weight of stress that has moved. My job no longer brings me joy and as a result, I gain weight because I make bad choices and don’t put my joy first. Massive lesson. 

I need to write more. Not just my blog, but the novel’s I have started and am yet to start. 

I want to start a charity for the school in India. That visit impacted me so deeply. Mel and I have talked. She has talked to her people. I’m going to talk to mine. This needs to happen. 

I want to run groups for healing. That is the direction I wish to move my life into. I also want to run meditation groups. 

I want to feel deeply entrenched purpose through service; serving myself as much as I serve others. That will sustain my joy. 

This is what I desire. 

This is what I will work towards achieving. 

šŸ™šŸ» namaste 

Thank you India. Thank you Alana. 

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