The Issue of Deserving 

What a journey. 

India is amazing. There is a magic and authenticity in the chaos. Divinity and ritual surrounds you, embracing you, supporting you. 

And I am here. 

Today some of my issues have come to the fore around deserving

When I am given a compliment, no matter how big or small, I usually qualify or diminish it. Yesterday one of my soul tribe told me to stop doing it. So, I did. 

Last night and today I have been overwhelmed by compliments or affirmations. People have continually told me how blessed they feel to have been given the privilege of meeting me, how beautiful I am, how beautiful and authentic my energy is, and how I have impacted so many people in the group. I am humbled. Truly. 

And scared. 

It is only just now I realise why; the responsibility that leaves me with. And then the deserving questions. And the what if I am a fraud persona jumped in. Old, old baggage, stemming from childhood when I wasn’t enough as I am. Ooh, try that again! Stemming from childhood when I was told I wasn’t enough as I am. 

Our group session then focused on connecting the masculine and feminine energies in marriage. Everyone was so elated and joyous. I was crying. 

The union, the piecing together of the fragments, the symbolism of the butterflies, rich diverse and unique that appeared in my meditation, the genuine love and respect from so many others – oh my. 

Tina from Campbelltown struggles. 

I channelled healing to a friend’s knee last night. It popped several times and Mother Mary came. I cried – her energy was magnificent, blinding – I never would have thought. 

The potential of each of us is awe-inspiring. Miraculous. Palpable. 

If only we each knew it, and believed it. 

I’m getting closer. 

4 thoughts on “The Issue of Deserving 

  1. I’m not terribly good at accepting compliments, either. I believe I’m starting to get a bit better at it, and two things I’ve learned have helped:

    1. Turning aside someone’s kind words is like shoving a gift they’ve given back into their hands. If you wouldn’t do that to them, don’t shove the words back, either. Just say thanks.

    2. Turn the compliment around, too, either mentally or verbally. How beautiful is the person who can see such wonderful things in someone else? If it won’t pressure them too much, tell them so! If it will, simply acknowledge it in your mind.

    It’s amazing how much nicer a compliment feels if I remember to do these things instead of reflexively rejecting the words; it’s a far warmer experience for the other person, too.

    Liked by 1 person

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