Definitely for living. I’m not quite sure what I am going to write here. There are always hardships in life. No-one can be happy all of the time, and by that what I mean is that life is not always smooth sailing. How we handle those moments/days/months impacts the choices we make.
Man, the words just don’t want to come today lol.
My life in recent days has been perfect. I have hung out with family and friends (no real distinction required – they are all family) and am in my bliss.
I am happy.
The core of me is happy. I feel the inner calm and tranquility I have longed for, for so long. It won’t last, I know that. And that’s okay.
But what I’ve noticed is that because I’m living the dream, and am happy, the small triggers of sadness that come have been acknowledged and I have been able to move on from them without them getting below the surface.
Obviously one of my triggers is anything to do with babies and pregnancy. I will always long to be a birth mother because I wasn’t able to. This means that time with pregnant people, talking about babies and pregnancy, seeing babies and pregnant women, well, it’s hard. Especially if it’s unexpected and I haven’t psychologically prepared myself. And I know this probably sounds a little ridiculous (two years since my last failed attempt and three years since my miscarriage) but it’s a part of the way I now live my life.
The last few days have included pregnant women, babies and talk about pregnant women. Each time, I acknowledged the moment of pain and was then able to continue. And I think it’s because I’m finally satisfied with my life. It’s not everything I want it to be but I’m on the road to all that I want it to be that is possible. And that makes me happy.
So, today, I’m living the dream and so grateful for all that is my life.