Life 

I once heard that life will only throw at us what we are capable of dealing with. I’ve used this mantra, and everything happens for a reason, to get me through some dark moments in my life. I also try to remember Rome; the very old with the new side by side – everything will be okay. But, I digress. 

I was at my Body Talk appointment last week. And, in the middle of it, I had a flashback to my childhood and a vivid recount of being sexually abused. I have known for a long time that this happened. But always in like photographic moments, never video. This was a week ago. It was bizarre. 

I felt it. Felt the trauma. Felt the peace. All within like five minutes. Processed the event and restored the balance quite fast. I told my practitioner. Thought about it later that night. Mentioned it to a friend on Monday. Thought about it this morning. And, I’m okay. Really okay. 

For me, I think I have been so aware of the impact of the trauma of my childhood on me for such a long time that my goal for happiness and peace now overrides everything. Or, I’m deluding myself and am in shock. Lol. Meh, how do we know. Just have to trust the present moment and current reaction. 

So, why am I mentioning it now and here. Well, sexual abuse stigmatises a child. Definitely of my generation. It was never discussed as openly as abuse is these days. And realistically, how did a child know it was wrong except by how it made them feel, and what frame of reference did a child possess to empower them to trust their reaction. 

But secrecy in general, stigmatises people. I have been involved in something this year that I am not allowed to discuss, under threat of losing my job. The secrecy hurt my sense of self and my concept of my place in my world for 28 weeks, and then I didn’t let it anymore. Within four weeks, this flashback.

And, I’m okay. 

I can’t wait for the day when I am no longer shackled. I will blog freely again. I will be okay. 

Secrecy is not okay though. It damages the psyche. I have always spoken freely about my childhood experiences in a bid to empower others to own their stories. It is only through owning our stories that we believe that we are okay, not the sum of the trauma only, and through which we can claim/reclaim our lives. We move from victim to survivor to enlightened. 

I wish this for everyone. 

Own your story. Own the depths of it. Trust that the emotions are part of the processing of the trauma, and that they are valid. And trust too, that doing the work yields the results. And the result is inner peace, integration of the different parts of us, being the best version of ourselves living our best lives. 

It is possible. 

It is the journey. 

8 thoughts on “Life 

    • Hi Jill! It’s a natural therapy whereby the practitioner scans the body, listens to where they are directed to go, and then ‘talks’ to the body to shift the things holding us back emotionally or physically before tapping the new programming in. Sounds ridiculous but in the six months I’ve been going I’ve had three normal periods for the first time in my adult life and my emotions are more balanced. Combined with dru yoga I think it’s saved my life this year. I hope you are well xxx

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  1. Agree with your thoughts about secrecy. It’s the worst feeling trapped by not being able to be open and honest.
    I was wondering if I could include some of this post in a book I’m working on with my mum about sexual abuse survivors? Was also wondering if you’d like to share your story or anything else around this topic?
    We want this topic not to be taboo. We’re encouraging people to speak up about it, that’s it not their fault and they’re not alone. We hope it will be a resource also to help people know what options they have.
    About 14 people have contributed their story so far and I’d love to include yours. Copyright stays with you, you can be anonymous or we can include your name, age and country. Contributors receive a free pdf copy of the book, and ebooks will be for sale. Hopefully a print book as well.
    There are also interview questions you are welcome to answer if that’s easier. We’re mostly looking for how it made you feel, what you did, how you’ve coped, advice for others. We think this will be a great way to support others.
    Feel free to ask any questions: wordslikesilk@gmail.com
    For more info you can check out this post: https://sapphirelifewriter.wordpress.com/2016/08/10/sharing-my-experience-of-shame-fear-and-confusion/
    Thanks so much for considering being part of this project to help girls and women around the world.
    JD

    Liked by 1 person

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