I’ve been absent from my blog. I have kept up my gratitude every day but chose to stop posting it. It’s important to me but highly likely, boring to others hehe. And I’ve been processing everything in my life leading up to this full moon.
I bought the car. I now drive the car. I zip around like I’m in my twenties again lol. The purchase came with some grieving to do though. I initially bought the Tiguan because I was going to have a few kids and be a soccer mum, so we needed the space. Saying goodbye was hard. Intellectually I know that I’m not going to be a birth mum. However, I didn’t realise that there was a part of me still holding on to the dream. And so many people in my life are always pregnant. It’s hard.
I am in the process of moving towards acceptance that pregnancy is the one that got away from me, and that is okay. My life is fertile in many other ways.
I run my first series of workshops, starting Tuesday week. And there are people interested, which to be honest, terrifies and excites me all in the one breath.
Such a huge step for me. Seeing myself as a healer rather than a teacher. Those labels start to do more than just identify us. Sometimes we become so safe inthe definition that we think that is all that there is to us.
Starting my business is me giving myself permission to be more than a label or definition. I feel that I am finally ready to embrace all of me and accept that I am valuable in my entirety.
And I believe I’m fulfilling my destiny. I’m open, I’m willing to receive, and I’m willing to work hard.
I consider myself to have trust issues; I’ve always defined myself that way. Damaged childhood, damaged adult. At the workshop with Alana Fairchild yesterday, rather than feel confronted and anxious by a trust activity with people I do not know, I felt energised and truly excited. People had to touch me to stop me from falling, and I didn’t care. I felt safe within my core; no one could hurt me therefore I could trust because I was trusting myself and the universe (God energy or however you regard it).
It was amazing. Soul inspiring. A measure of my real growth and real comfort with who I am. I also didn’t feel shy. A little reserved in some activities, but not shy. I think I oozed confidence.
And listening to Alana’s story, I felt that I am making the right decisions for my life. This business will be a growing process and I must be patient, and trusting that even if it doesn’t work out, the journey is the valuable piece in my life’s puzzle. I am where I am supposed to be.
Throughout the meditations yesterday I saw an Amazonian warrior dancing in grass. I need to google it. She kept appearing. If anyone knows what that could embody, please let me know. Amazon rainforest not oversized women Amazons.