When I bought my last car four years ago, I hoped that it would eventually transport my children. So, I bought my dream car, a big car. One thing after another, organizing my life and my finances to ensure smoother sailing for my business, and it’s time to buy a new car.
And I’m downsizing. By choice. Reprioritising my material possessions.
I won’t have children so I’m buying a smaller car. Realistically, it’s usually just me in my car, and then Max, my dog. My fur family. And yes, very much my child substitute lol.
A friend subtly pointed out yesterday that I’m letting go of two dreams with the purchase of the new car. Yes, yes I am.
My dream car was not all I dreamed it would be, and my dream of being a birth mother is further in the rear view mirror.
And you know, I’m okay with it. Not one tear shed. And no real pain felt. In a week where anxiety has been high, and a good friend gave birth, I am okay.
I am in a place of acceptance that those were not to be my life path or choices this time around. I’m not here for better things, but different things. I joked with a different friend yesterday how I sometimes think I experience so much to be able to better empathise with others. And surely, this will help my business to grow. Here’s to hope lol.
So, I should pick up my new car within ten days, and thus begin a new chapter in my life.
Tina, the teacher and the healer.
But what a release to feel me moving beyond the stigma I created in my head about childlessness, moving towards freedom and new growth in a completely different direction. Maybe my business is my birth child, raised and grown to service others, as well as nurture myself.
As Diane Lane’s character in Under the Tuscan Sun discovers, sometimes our dreams come to us in unexpected ways.