Grace: A Dying State

By grace I mean compassion, sensitivity, responsibility, awareness, ownership. I refer to it as a state of being relating to our behaviour towards others. 

As an adult, I try very hard to practice grace. I try to own the choices I make and accept responsibility. I try to do what is right even if it causes me discomfort. If I’ve hurt others I try to own it and make restitution in some appropriate way. I try to be compassionate and understanding towards others. 

I’m not always successful but I try very hard. I think it is my responsibility as an adult to model the behaviour I would like the young people in my life to emulate. I will repeat, I’m not always successful but I do try. 

I awoke to some online bitterness this morning. Initially, I emoted childishly and from ego, caught myself, talked sense to myself, finished emoting childishly but consciously, and then put the entire fiasco into perspective. It was important to acknowledge my hurt ego so that I could move beyond with grace. 

The emoting was conducted in my head and not publicly. It came entirely from hurt. It needed to be felt and acknowledged for what it was so that I could move beyond it. In total the childish hurt lasted approximately two minutes, if. It hit my vulnerability that someone doesn’t want to be my friend and then my shame that others might believe the things that she may or may not be saying. I needed to acknowledge all of this. And as a result, I could then be the adult and be safe that I didn’t need to make any of this my issue.

It isn’t my issue. 

And then I remembered, sometimes people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

By responding childishly and lashing out I would dishonour the season that has been our friendship. I would taint the wonderful times and the amazing conversations that we had. And there is no need to do that; none at all. 

Life is very short. And I accept that our individual contexts change. Some friendships don’t last forever. Some do. My best friendships have moved with our lives, growing into the spaces we create for them. And this is brilliant but can’t happen for every friendship. Our lives become so clogged if every friendship stays, demanding time and nourishment. And we fail to transform and grow, becoming stuck in the mire instead. 

So, I honour the memories by holding them close and understanding that for now at least, our paths have separated. They may cross again but they don’t have to. And I cherish the love that was shared. The bond that was forged. The support that was given and received. And I honour my friend, hoping that she too finds peace soon. 

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