Please note: this post will really only be relevant to women in this situation. I will be talking about periods, mine in particular. It could gross you out.
I have debated this type of post for a couple of months now. I’m okay writing about this stuff, lord knows, people who know me know I discuss it quite freely. I have decided to write it because during my infertility journey I have often felt very alone. If I had known someone who had experienced it like me, well, that could have helped me. So, here goes …
I have always had uncomfortable periods. My whole menstrual life. Prior to my miscarriage in 2013, I would suffer either cramping for a day or short migraines, never both. Some periods were heavy but not frequently.
A few months after I miscarried, I started bleeding in March and didn’t stop bleeding until late May. Three months of non-stop bleeding. It was only in the third month I started to question if it would ever stop. And I became frustrated.
Preparing for another, what would be unsuccessful, IVF cycle, stopped the bleeding (menhorragia).
But after that cycle, when my cycle returned to normal, I started to know the horror that has become my monthly cycle. Every period I endure cramping for two days at the beginning, exceptionally heavy bleeding, and a relentless 3-5 day migraine towards the end of each period.
I figured it would eventually go away. But it hasn’t. And it isn’t. I lose a week of my life every month. A bit over it now.
I used to endure it because it would lead to a baby. Now, well I know it won’t. So every month is like a stab to an open wound in the heart.
The universe/God/life – whatever it is, is cruel.
So, I’ve been googling how I can get my periods to stop. And I’ll be visiting a doctor to have a chat and to take action. I have little faith in doctors. I once saw one about my periods who told me that because they have always been bad I just need to deal with the reality. Pfft. Now I have developed balls, I won’t be hearing that again.
Anyway, the upshot is, after a miscarriage and after resigning myself to not being a birth mum, each menstrual cycle upsets me. A reminder of what could have been but isn’t. And that isn’t fair.