What’s Your Biggest Regret
I came across this on Facebook this morning. I shed a couple of tears.
Asking what you regret cuts to the core. What are the things we would change if we could? And revealing that, even to the self, is so confronting, if we are really being honest, that it puts us in a very vulnerable position.
Too vulnerable for me to reveal so publicly this morning. However, the things I regret fit into two categories:
1. things I haven’t done enough of because of fear (of judgement predominantly), and
2. I am not proud of how I have behaved towards others (a couple of situations that if I could do over I would that resulted in losing friends that I loved).
As a result though, especially with regards to number two, I now live my life more authentically with other people I think. I am more conscious of the impact of my actions and my words on other people, and I try to keep it positive. I own my behaviour if I mess up, even if it’s a process to get to the apology. But if I do mess up, I will apologise. I try not to live in unresolved innuendo and gossip, and I try to resolve conflict (even if it takes some time to develop the courage). And I have learned that people are more important than rules.
And with regards to number one, I now do act on things that I aspire to achieve. I have started doing things on a whim. New York City last year. Meditation Retreat in India this year. And the retreat, on my own. Without fear, because I trust that I have been steered towards that opportunity for a reason.
Saying not ready yet to the fostering process terrified me. What if I am just a quitter or a failure or selfish. But I pushed through my fears of the perceptions of others and listened to my soul. And learned something important about myself.
I have always felt like I was weird, different, a bit of a freak, and have craved belonging. I have often wanted to walk the path most often travelled, and haven’t. I have yearned to belong and to be normal. As I edge towards forty five though, I have started to question if that’s really that important to me.
As a result of walking a path less travelled, I have discovered the world, people, happiness, forgiveness, and a rich tapestry of diverse experience.
And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.