The last day of 2015

I have had an amazing year. 

This time last year I was contemplating donor eggs from my sister after my last attempt at IVF was unsuccessful. Soon into this year I decided to stop spending money on IVF and move forward. Easy to write and apart from the occasional longing, relatively easy to do. On the proviso that I live the life that I have. 

This led to a snap decision with Lauren that we go to NYC. Literally sitting in the staff room talking about life as we worked and five minutes later we decided to travel. Three months later we were in New York City and I felt truly alive again. For the first time in the six years since I had commenced my road to a baby, I was living my life as me and realising my and my life’s potential. Amazing. I am still overwhelmed by my ferocious love for that city. I would go there again in a heartbeat. 

After a conversation with one of my Year 12 students, a foster child, I decided I had a lot of love to give and started that process. My first assessment is on Tuesday. And I’m in an interesting place. More on that soon. 

Another successful year at work; another year accepting that I am really really good at what I do (except for the occasional glitch aka mistake – reminding people that I’m human lol). 

I moved house and location, which in turn welcomed change on a broader scale into my life. I initiated the process for building my own business in natural healing. I am completing a certificate in Children’s Writing. 

I reconnected with many people from my past, if only to close those chapters. For many though, the reconnection reminded me of the love and deep friendship that once existed, now reminding me how much I’ve grown in the last ten years. And those friendships continue in a way that now fits with our changed contexts. 

The rest of my friendships have grown stronger this year, infinitely. And where I felt disconnected from many of these people a year ago, I feel closer to them now, and am grateful they were patient and saw me through my post fertility swings. 

The only negative from this year is not wholly negative, and provides me with my main goal for 2016. 

I love people, and I’m very good at supporting people and kids through their life’s hard times. With protective walls down when I returned from NYC I was bombarded with intense emotions from many many people. This resulted in a downward spiral for me. 

2016 is going to see me improve my ability in ‘being there’ without sacrificing me. I am going to consolidate my learning in balance and succeed. 

Bad things will still happen. I will still blog about them. I will still grieve them. I feel deeply, and this allows me to live deeply and passionately. And I wouldn’t change that for anything. 

But I will say no more often in 2016 because I will learn to put my value first. 

Life is an incredible journey. I have no real regrets. I love my life, and the opportunity and potential I see. 

2016 will start with a two week cruise around New Zealand with extended family for me. There is the potential for a cousin get together in Finland in July. There is the potential for a meditation retreat in India during October/November. There is the potential for growing my business. There is the potential for becoming a foster carer. There is the potential that my writing becomes successful. 

Potential. 

Created by setting goals and working towards achieving them, by being patient and trusting the universe that everything happens for a reason and in its own time, by not giving up, and by believing in my own self. 

I wish this sort of success and happiness for everyone during 2016 and beyond. 

To all of you – 

Thank you for reading my blog and supporting me. It really humbles me that people read it, freaks me out really lol, and to the people whom I don’t know in the real world, and who follow and read my blog, LS and Gratuitous Rex in particular, thank you – as absent as I have been I look forward to reading your blogs immensely. 

Best wishes for an amazing 2016 – happy new year folks ❤️😘

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