The Perpetual Fight for Elusive Balance

I found all of the answers to life’s big questions and the path to happiness in New York City in July. It is now November, and even though my resolve was strong and I’ve had flashes of balance since July, I am losing the battle, but not giving up. 

When I am not blogging is a sure sign that balance is elusive; it’s become my indicator that all is not right in my world. When I force myself to make time for blogging, I’m closer to balance. 

This week’s trigger came on Monday during my appointment to become a foster carer. I had to draw my support network, a never ending drawing this one for which I am grateful, and then had to draw the things I do every week for me. 

Hmmm. I thought I had a life. I feel like I have a life. But there was no life. 

Rather than feel bad about it and spiral into uselessness, I laughed and acknowledged the wake up call. Time to make time to do the things I love. And to enable that, I have to get the things that I am responsible for done. And so I started ticking things off from my work To Do list. And I’m slowly moving forward. 

I came back from NYC looking amazing, feeling amazing. I had been eating well and walking heaps. I maintained this for a month upon returning home and then I let work take over. 

So, after chatting to my best friends/soul sisters during the last week, and thinking hard about my body and how it works, yesterday I started Optifast. For the first two weeks I am doing two shakes per day and one semi regular meal. After these two weeks I will do two weeks of three shakes OR I will start my juice reboot, depending on my level of laziness in juice preparation. I needed a quick reboot. Optifast will provide this. 

A friend that I have failed to catch up with since returning home contacted me during the week to meet up for coffee. I couldn’t do the date but suggested another one. As a result, we are now going to Bowral next weekend to see a performance by refugees called The Tree of Life. And I am so excited. 

I have huge decisions to make regarding my work life. I haven’t been overly happy, inspired or encouraged in recent weeks. I am responsible for a huge range of tasks, and there really aren’t enough hours each day to live and to work. I have resisted moving because I love my school – the staff, the kids, the teaching. But some nastiness has crept in from ego driven people and I’m not sure I like it or where it is leading the school. Am I ready to leave a boss I like working for and staff I love seeing every day? I’m thinking about it. 

And then, the last bastion of balance, spirituality deriving from activity. When I first moved to Thirlmere I was going to attend My Yoga Space around the corner. That was June. It is now November. One meditation is all I have managed. Really Tina? WTF. Pull your head in. 

So, this morning I looked at the timetable. This week I have too much on. Next week, no excuses. Gentle yoga will start, possibly Pilates. 

The point of this is that I am human. I need to forgive myself. Transforming a life is a process, a journey. And journeys have obstacles. The trick is to keep moving forward, and to not lose sight of the destination even though there are times that the only part you can see is the fuzzy outline of intention. 

Resolve. Movement. Forgiveness. Compassion. Remembering. Evaluation. Resolve. Movement. 

Yep, I got this. 

Today. 

Lol 😜

2 thoughts on “The Perpetual Fight for Elusive Balance

  1. I hope you find what you are looking for. After doing a slow motion Humpy Dumpty I am looking for whatever it is. Good luck to you. You are so strong – surely Atlas was a woman.

    Liked by 1 person

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