I slept atrociously last night, and I woke up feeling so heavy and nauseated this morning as a result. One of those sleeps that is interrupted but you feel like you are asleep the whole time because it is almost as if you are starring in an exceptionally long dystopic feature film. Horrid.
The alarm went off at 6, I went to the loo, and then straight back to bed after carefully resetting the alarm to ensure I would get to work just as I needed to be there.
Sick. A heavy feeling, like not enough sleep, and then nausea. But not enough that you could throw up. Yuck. I think it could be the pasta I ate last night; I think I may be allergic to pasta.
I am struggling a bit with a few things. I am alright. Just my head can’t switch off. There are always thoughts whizzing around.
I say that I am an empath. What this means is that I am very susceptible to the energies around me. I take them in. I protect myself from drowning by taking time out. After coming home from New York though, the relentless negativity and pain that some people close to me are experiencing is impacting, none of my strategies have worked with any of them.
One person I know is being bullied quite ridiculously. It makes no sense. It seems to be about power. But power is always lost, even non-existent, if one must hurt others to retain it. Power has already become an illusion, or delusion. Interesting. I just don’t get bullying; I never have.
And a fair few kids are experiencing a real inability to see their future and its potential. I see magic in this world every day. I think I choose this. So like, even today, feeling crappy and a bit sorry for myself, I was still very conscious of the positive, of the funny, of the moving, of the lovely. I believe that my gratitude practice has achieved this for me, for which I am grateful hehe.
There are also so many women having babies. So many. Newborns pepper my news feeds and pregnant bellies are everywhere. Man … and then I had to answer some health questions for something, and I had to talk about my miscarriage, inability to conceive, and stopping IVF treatment.
I think there will always be a part of me that finds this reality, from time to time, very overwhelming.
I have my new path developing. Paths, really. I have re-prioritised some aspects of my life and am deliriously happy with these changes, the movement, etc, but sometimes … well, suffice it to say, it still twangs.
So I left work earlier than I usually would, arrived home and put my Skechers on (with my good dress lol) and took Max for a walk around the neighbourhood. He pooed, comfortably, and I debated leaving it there (mwah) before being a responsible pet owner/dog walker and collecting it in the plastic bag I took with me. It reeked.
There are some cute little houses in my neighbourhood, and then there are houses that sorely need some love. I don’t get it. I love building a home. If I had my own place, I would treasure it. I was thinking this as the fresh air embraced me.
You can have negative thoughts outside; they don’t pull as much. And then they stay outside. In the pinking sky. With the cooler night air circulating. And people arriving home.
I loved it. What a difference a walk, fresh air and a descending day can have.
Needless to say, an early night for me.