I am a very patient person explaining things to kids but that is probably the extent of my ability to be patient. Once I make up my mind about something, I need things to move quickly. I think that is because I spend so much time processing whatever it is I am thinking about, that when my mind commits, it really commits.
I read the Barnados Information Pack for potential carers last night. I cried.
Not tears of sadness or of grief, but tears of confirmation. This is my new path. This is my path.
And so today I rang and scheduled an appointment for an information session (the next step). Tuesday 28th July. Three days after my return from New York. Unfortunately they are not completing any more assessments for six months, so after the next step I have a very long wait. The process to be approved then takes a further six months.
This will be a test of my patience. I keep telling myself to focus on the prize.
I so want to be a mother.
I think I am finally refocusing my energies away from being a maternal mum. I just feel that I have so much love to give. And so much wisdom to share.
I have healed so much and I strongly wish for that to be useful for others. Especially broken children. I know it won’t be easy. I understand that I will be choosing to help raise mini me’s. But to offer hope, to inspire hope, that dreams can be made real, well that would just be the best gift for me, and for me to pass on.
I am second guessing everything I say, everything I think. I am so worried that what I say is wrong. That it could take this opportunity away from me; that I could stuff it up royally. I am also worried that I am being selfish.
Yes, this is about me becoming a mum. But I know it isn’t just about that. To offer children from broken homes a safe haven makes me feel like I am being a mum, not just wanting to be one.
Oh man, it is going to be a long twelve months … lol …