It is no secret to anyone in this world anymore that without forgiveness we cannot move forward in our lives. Any psychologist or counsellor will tell you that if you don’t forgive those who have wronged you or caused you pain and/or hardship, you will never feel happy or liberated or peaceful again. You say goodbye to the potential of all of that.
And I agree.
I wouldn’t be as high functioning as I perceive myself to be if I hadn’t forgiven all of those ‘who have trespassed against me’.
But in moments of weakness and vulnerability and pain I am forced to question why I repeat unhealthy patterns.
Tonight I had an epiphany. I was watching one of my heroes, Susan Sarandon, on Oprah’s Master Class, and she was talking about the difficulties of Dead Man Walking,and it struck me. I’ve forgiven everyone who has ever caused me pain and hurt, well almost everyone.
One person has been overlooked in my forgiveness. An important person. Probably the most important person.
I’ve never forgiven myself for my mistakes, my abuses, my poor choices.
This must be what is stopping my health. I need to forgive myself.