After infertility and miscarriage life goes on. You can still be truly and wholly happy. But for me there will always be moments. I imagine this is so for all of us who have suffered the struggle of infertility and the pain of miscarriage. As I have said before, it changes something in the core of you and you are never the same again.
My inspiration, Sonia Kruger, had her baby girl. I am so so happy for her. I have followed Sonia’s journey because it resembled mine so closely. I truly am so happy for her.
I spent time with my beautiful nieces and adorable nephews today. Enough said.
And I just finished watching a movie that I knew would trigger emotion for me about stillbirth called Return to Zero and starring Minnie Driver (amazing performance). And an amazing script. A film that I think every adult human should have to watch.
We all do what we believe is the right thing to do and it so often misses the mark. It isn’t ill intentioned but it does hurt. This movie offers support for people who have to ‘deal’ with someone in a no child situation, for whatever reason, when the person desires children.
And man I cried, sobbed in places. And I had to ask myself why I would do this to myself. I knew it would make me messy. But I also felt compelled to watch.
And then I worked it out.
Watching it gives me permission to cry and to feel. An opportunity to acknowledge what has been lost for me, through infertility and that lone miscarriage that could have developed into my baby, my child, my offspring. But didn’t.
And it is such a taboo subject in society. Even amongst women. And that is just so sad.
Well intentioned phrases like ‘everything happens for a reason’ and ‘it’ll happen for you if it’s meant to’ and ‘you need to get professional help’ when you express your pain just make you want to scream at people.
Yes, everything happens for a reason and everything happens in the way and when it is supposed to but fuck! i don’t want to hear that. I don’t want to know that you think I need professional help because I really just need friends to listen and to invite me to talk about it.
And I am far from alone on this.
I am good. I am strong and I am resilient. I am very blessed in my life and I have choices. I know all of this and I know it to be true.
But when I did need people … Well … Enough said.
Anyway, it was a great movie and I now feel lighter lol and that is good.