An odd title. Literally and metaphorically meant. I am attempting to write more regularly this year, even if it is one blog posting after another blog posting only. As is always the case during extended holiday breaks, I become very introspective, very calm, and very peaceful. The fast world I generally live in breathes, and I get to breathe along to take stock of where I am and where I want to be.
I need to thoroughly clean my house. It’s always alright but I mean a clean out to the core. I need to clean and wash every room, and I need to dispose of everything that I am holding on to; all of the clutter, the baggage, the unused items need to go. For six months or so I have been looking to revitalise furniture and layout. My home is small and I don’t entertain much these days, and so much space is wasted holding on to remnants of the past. I have a clear picture of a retreat, meditative, simple, uncluttered, in my mind’s eye and now is the time to create it.
Similarly, I need to clean out my work life. Too many jobs and responsibilities that realistically could be delegated to others. Lists will help me to achieve this and then more balance. I have already cleaned out my physical work space at work. I am happy with it. A few tweaks for functionality when work starts again in a few weeks and it will be easier to maintain this year (fingers crossed).
And then my private life. It needs a huge overhaul. I really need to resolve the place of relationships in my life. In 2007 I lost a large group of friends (mostly my own doing), and I have struggled with trust and friendships since. I made some choices that weren’t the best and continue, I think, to punish myself for those choices. As a result I have become disconnected from my ‘social’ self, old before my time. Don’t get me wrong, I love time by myself, I am my very favourite person to spend time with, but sometimes I need to socialise too, with my equals and with people that laugh, and do dumb things, and have loads of stupid fun. It’s been a long time since I played board games and hosted dinner parties. Too long.
And my diet needs a massive overhaul. This last week has seen an allergic reaction or intolerance to some type of food literally break out of my body. I have known that I have needed to go back to predominantly fruit and vegetables for months but convenience took priority over health. Realistically it is as easy to pick up some fruit or cook some vegetables as it is to go through a drive-thru or just make prepackaged pasta up. It’s the choice that counts. And mine have faltered. And my body is revolting against those choices, and this makes me happy. I can ignore my brain; I cannot ignore the itching, the welts and the swollen eyes and lips.
And then my religious and spiritual practice. This has been at the very bottom of my priorities for too long. During 2014 I cast a couple of spells, sent healing, and fought for a couple of things I believe in but it was all a bit too complacent. This needs to change. When I am wholly in my Wiccan power I feel alive, energised and useful. I create new worlds for others. It has been too long since I have been immersed in practice, even meditation. Physical space changes are sorely needed to ensure the ease of reintegrating practice into my life.
It is all interconnected.
I have put the energy out for a teacher to come into my life. And for my partner. I am ready now.
Well, I will be when I can put my broom down and look around my home, into my life, with a smile on my face and accomplishment in my heart.