I had the distinct pleasure of seeing Something For Kate on Saturday night with my sister. It has been a great year for us thus far: Eddie Vedder twice in February, John Butler Trio in April and Something For Kate on Saturday. They are our three big ones. The ones we see every time we can. Well, Pearl Jam factors into that too but we couldn’t make it to Big Day Out in January so Eddie as a representative took that sting away.
Anyway, watching Something For Kate, loving the atmosphere and the music, forced me into reflection.
I have always been a bit of a commitment phobe. I always thought this applied to everything in my life. But I was wrong.
It dawned on me that I am committed to vegetarianism (22 years), Wicca (my lifetime), teaching (since I decided I wanted to be a teacher at 5), my pets (their lifetimes), learning (my lifetime), and music (my entire life).
Music has saved my life I think. I don’t remember much of my childhood. A lot of the bad is masked by the soundtrack that prevailed at the time. I will always be grateful for that.
I regularly escaped into the world of books and shut the real world out with music. Both offered me alternative lives; lives in which I was the hero or the idol. Contrasting my reality, as I remember it.
Realising and acknowledging this impressed upon me how important the rough times in my childhood were to creating the adult that is. In a positive way. Both reading and music offered me a method to achieving resilience, and then ultimately, strength. And that strength has permitted me to forge my own path, and hopefully, inspire others to forge their own paths.
One of the contestants on The Voice last night said that Good Charlotte saved her life; it was their music in her bad moments that forced or inspired her to keep going. What a tribute to Joel and Benji, and how humbly they embraced that. Music has been that for me too. When words were choking in my throat, music spoke for me. It was always there, is always there, reliably, loyally. Committed to me.
And as I listened to Something For Kate, it dawned on me that I struggle with commitment to people because of trust. My ability to trust was damaged as a child and if there is a scar left, this is it. Music and words though, have never failed me or compromised my ability to trust. In a sense, isolating this, hopefully enables me to continue to move forward in life.
Healing comes from knowledge then understanding then integrating and finally, acceptance and forgiveness. Forgiveness that life could have been any different to what it was. And knowing that those experiences have offered me the opportunity to be more than …